Imagine this if you will...
You are walking. You are not in a hurry, you may have a destination in mind, or a goal. Maybe you are on your way to the kitchen, or picking up various socks placed around the house. Perhaps your mind is blissfully blank for a small moment that day, or like normal, it is blazing with all the things you have NOT accomplished today, but were due yesterday. Either way, what's on your mind is brought to a screeching halt by one thing.
This one thing is about the only thing that can bring ANY mother to a screeching halt. At this point it is only vaguely present, just barely touching on the outskirts of having to deal with the situation. You know it's coming, it's only a question on how much time you have left. Now the process of deciding how to react to a situation, that hasn't even occurred yet, is rapidly screaming through your head.
You happen to be in the middle of a room, do you walk forward and sit down, in order to better contimplate the oncoming situation, or do you stand there, grit your teeth and endure it with muscle tension unknown to women without children?
You only have seconds to decide....
It doesn't really matter though. Whatever option you decide, will evidently lead to embarrassment and the possibility of a small wardrobe change.
For those of you who aren't aware of what I'm referring to, it is truly the arch enemy of the mom. The nemesis. The kryptonite. Alright you get it.
It is the sneeze.
Yes, sneezing can bring a mother, quite literally, to her knees. This isn't due to pain, or even embarrassment for those people with weird sneezes. This is due to the possibility that you will wet yourself.
Yes, you read correctly.
This is something all childbirth books leave out, conveniently. Yes, childbirth and having a child is one of the most...memorable, experiences you will ever
There are TONS of books on raising kids and how to deal with illnesses, feedings and what not. There are no books on what the hell happens to your body AFTER the baby comes out. (Most of these are books written by comedians or TV personalities, but no, you know, scientific ones.)
I understand the whole watermelon/lemon thing. I understand that some bones have shifted into their NEW and not-so-IMPROVED positions. I want to know why I can no longer sneeze without fearing I will wet myself! I can even argue that I had two cesareans, so mine isn't as stretched out or whatever happens!
Don't even come at me with those kegel exercises, either! Even after a dramatic commitment, that I have shown no other exercise, I still have to sit down to sneeze! It also seems that my pre-baby bladder has yet to return! Then again, maybe the pre-baby bladder is a way to deal with the sneezing. If you think about it, you are always taking bathroom breaks. So I guess it's always a good thing when you are already in the optimum position for sneezing.
It wasn't until AFTER I became a mother that people offered up all this advice on how best to deal with sneezing, coughing, heavy bouts of laughter, you get the idea. I will also add that now I understand why women who have had children, now look at trampolines as a new torture device. This includes those small trampolines for aerobic exercise, yeah right!
I started thinking that maybe I should write a book on what happens to your body AFTER the bundle of joy appears. The more I thought about it though, my experiences may lead to a direct decrease in babies being born. Now that I am a mother (of two) I would go through it again in a heartbeat to get the kids I have now. However, if I would have read about my experience BEFORE I thought about having a child....it may have taken a bit more convincing!
No comments:
Post a Comment