A glimpse of insanity...

Every morning at 6:08 AM a neighbor's sprinklers go off. Normally this wouldn't concern me. However, it wakes me up from my last sacred minutes before the school routine starts. At 6:08 AM, I still have 22 minutes before the actual alarm goes off, or Little Dude comes into our bedroom, already dressed.

What concerns me is the timing of the sprinklers going off. 6:08? I have already ruled out our clocks being early or late, as they are set with Sprint. (Whether this is an accurate time or not is moot, I just assume that everyone else sets their clocks to some cellular device nowadays.)

I now lie awake thinking is their clock 3 minutes slow? 2 minutes fast? Or, even worse, did they actually program their sprinklers to go off at 6:08 AM? If it is the last option, then I am in awe of their testicular fortitude to plainly mess with people.

I really hope it is the last option, because as soon as we get our sprinklers ripped out and a drought resistant garden built, I plan on setting my sprinklers to go off at some random time also, just to mess with people. (For those of you wondering, we do have a small patch of grass in the backyard that we will keep for the kiddos - this is where I will set off my sprinklers at 6:52 AM.)



***Upon reading this out loud to my husband, his response was, "You aren't right. It's the right title for it, though."

Welcome to a small slice of my "reality." (Insert evil laugh here)

Food Memories

As I sat down with the kiddos to eat our leftover Chinese food for lunch, memories started flashing though my mind. At this point they were mostly memories of previous experiences with Asian food, however it got me thinking about why did these memories just a pop in for a quick visit?

I've heard that your sense of smell is the strongest sense when it comes to memories. I understand that probably many, many moons ago we needed to smell a predator, or something rotten, then remember, "that smell meant something bad for me, run away!" (Yes, I'm a Monty Python fan).

However, this time it was more a visual experience that got me remembering the past. Since I'm a vegetarian, I have had to replace my beloved Orange Chicken with Orange Tofu, either way it's still spicy because of those red little peppers. For those of you unfamiliar with those dry, red peppers of intense pain and suffering, (if you eat one) they are szechuan peppers. In my opinion, they make a jalapeno pepper seem more of the bell variety.

The act of fishing them out of my meal, reminded me of a dinner with the hubby. MD and I had one of those rare date nights you get after having children, so we decided to go to our favorite little Thai restaurant in Monterey, CA. (Pacific Thai if anyone is around or living there - wonderful restaurant). I can't even remember what my husband ordered, I just remember looking over at him at some point because the conversation stopped abruptly. His face was red and he was on the verge of hyperventilating.

Immediately I thought he was choking and started to freak out. Fortunately, before I could create a scene, he dug out (or hacked up) a slightly chewed version of those nasty little red death peppers. I realize at this point,  I probably should have asked him if he was okay or needed water, you know, any of those caring things. I, on the other hand, started laughing and saying, "You aren't supposed to actually eat those!"

MD learned a valuable lesson and I had a wonderful date story to share with the world!

My other memories came after lunch was finished and we managed to find the fortune cookies we hadn't eaten the previous night.

I remember eating at a Chinese restaurant with my parents when I was young, maybe more people were there, I'm not sure. After dinner when that lovely waiter brings the fortune cookies around, it is normally a time of excitement and joy.

This time, it was a little different. We each grabbed our designated cookie and opened them to see our futures or words of wisdom.

My dad read his, we chuckled. I read mine, we chuckled. My mom said she didn't get one. Wuh?

Originally we may have thought it was embarrassing so she didn't want to share, but after further investigation she really didn't get that piece of paper in her cookie. The waiter noticing our distress, came over with another cookie. We laughed about it and awaited patiently to see her new fortune.

The second cookie was empty.

I hate statistics with a passion, however I'm pretty sure the odds of this are astounding. This awful no-fortune-in the-cookie was repeated yet a third time with no luck. At this point, the waiter turns to my mom with a straight face and says, "I guess you have no future" then he walks away. My mom being my mom, shrugs it off and decides to be excited about the fact she got three cookies.

I believe this was also the same restaurant where during dinner, my mom asked for a fork - we hadn't become the chopsticks ninjas that we are today. The waiter explained that "the fork" was being used at a different table right now. Wow!

Maybe somewhere in the deep recesses of my scary mind, the sight or smell of lunch just triggered those thoughts. Either way, we had a good lunch and my bloggers and the kids got to experience some cool memories brought on by food.

My husband seems to doubt me...

Evidently, my eagerness to become home improvement diva of our house is scaring my husband. I imagined a warm reception, showered with support and praise. I was not aware that bringing home do-it-yourself books from the library would invoke some primal fear my husband has for home repair.

Last week I brought home sprinkler repair and gardening books. Being residents of California, grass....well, it sucks. I grew up in the Midwest where they have this thing called "free water that comes from the sky," also known as rain. California has "expensive water that comes from the pipes." I was trying to lay out a lovely rock and succulent garden where we could tear up the grass and sprinklers in order to save money. Military Dad keeps asking about a free estimate from some sprinkler company. Och! (Yes, I've seen Brave too!)

I just figure that I will start my sprinkler project when he is safely a thousand miles away in Department Head school. Therefore, I decided to move on to my next project: ceiling fans.

Ceiling fans are relatively easy to install....when you have existing lights. We do not. For some reason, when people build houses now, they have those stupid wall outlets that control the lighting. Yay, you saved some money not installing ceiling fixtures, but for the rest of us who have to furnish our homes with floor lamps....you suck!

I bring home two books, pictured over yonder. I bring them out of our library book bag (California thing - plastic kills people, reuse bags! Save a tree and what-not!) I proudly display them on our kitchen table. MD says, "Fine! I get the point! I'll make the appointment to update our wills!"

Um???

Cool on the updating our wills part, but I'm starting to feel there is a lack of confidence in my confidence. Now the thoughts going through my head are: if MD hires an electrician, would it be cheaper to fly my father out so I can install them myself? It would be a valuable learning experience that I may remember in the future. Plus Boppa could always entertain the kiddos while MD takes me to the hospital.

No, not for electrocuting myself. (That only happens when Boppa tells me to cut through wallpaper in order to cut out a wall outlet.) I'd go to the hospital for falling off the ladder and through the drywall....kind of like Boppa did....

Little Dude Conversation

Little Dude walks down the stairs and stops to look at a wedding photo of me and MD.

Me:  What are looking at?
Little Dude:  A picture.
Me:  Who is that a picture of?
Little Dude:  Mommy and Daddy?
Me:  Very good!

He stands there looking at this picture.
Little Dude:  You look different!
Me:  How do I look different?
Little Dude:  Mommy, you are wearing a dress! (Says this with absolute surprise in his voice.)

At this point, you may realize I wear jeans and t-shirts a bit. Guess I may have to break out the skirts and dresses every once in awhile. One thing I don't want to hear from my kids: "Wow! Mommy, you clean up nice!"

Behold the power of ....Cheetos!?

Today I discovered my husband's kryptonite. Amazingly enough, it is Cheetos. Yes, Cheetos. What I believe to be a wonderfully crunchy, "cheesy" bag of goodness, MD sees a reason to hoark.

I don't get to eat them as often as I used too, due to turning 30-something....the point at which your body stops its metabolism completely. Therefore, I enjoy living vicariously through Princess and Little Dude.

Princess and Little Dude, not only love the flavor of that "cheesy" substance and that crunch you get with the perfect bag, they love the orange dust that adheres to their fingers like glue. Oh, to be a kid again...or at least a point in which my metabolism didn't laugh outright when I glance at a bag of chips.

Evidently, the joy the kids get out of a bag of Cheetos, is not appreciated by MD. The smell alone will make him turn a strange shade of green. I jokingly, ate a Cheetos and asked him for a kiss...I thought he actually may have held back some vomit when I stuck out my tongue full of "cheesy" goodness. Had I not found this funny, I think I may have felt a little insulted.

On our way home from lunch, he was in charge of trying to keep the kids awake in the car (for nap time at home). Little Dude or Princess somehow touched his arm with a finger coated with orange goo. My husband, also a grown man of 30-something, shrieked and cried out, "Goo! Don't touch me!" After that, it became a game of who could gross daddy out best. I have to admit, even though I was driving, I was also enjoying the excitement.

I was not aware that a simple snack food could reduce a man to a slightly green-looking, whimpering ball (in a Prius). It has taken 10 years, but I now have an item more powerful than I can imagine at my fingertips! Bwah-ha-ha! (My interpretation of an evil laugh.)

Just thinking of the ways I can use this to my advantage, the possibilities are astounding!

Too bad, I don't have any Cheetos in the house...

"Let it Begin! Let it Begin!"

If you have ever watched "Bolt" as much as our family has, you are very familiar with the guinea pig saying, "Let it begin! Let it begin!" This saying has become somewhat of a mantra in our house when we are about to do something crazy.

If you read my recent post, you know that my husband and I are about to embark on the wonderful fixer-uppers that come with owning your own home. This is also why my posts have been few and far between. I think it's wonderful and exciting. MD is still a bit hesitant.

We are planning on putting in drought resistant gardens in both the front and backyards and tearing out all the carpet to install wood flooring. I have meticulously planned out our budget, even over-estimated in order to plan on those things that just pop up here and there during home repair. I did research for best prices on materials and such. We even planned out what areas we were going to start on and when.

The master bathroom tile was to be professionally installed first. The grout in the current area is coming up in chunks, not cool. However, we are waiting on some special order part, then they should have it installed the week after.

After the bathroom is tiled we were going to install wood flooring in the bedrooms upstairs. I love carpet, I think it's great for kids and pets, and it also cuts down on noise and temperature issues. I also hate carpet because kids spill stuff, pets have accidents and with asthmatics in the house, it's an entirely different problem for them.

The downstairs carpet was third on the list because having wood flooring would increase the resale value in the long run. Not to mention the whole pets and kids spilling stuff thing.

Final in our list of major home improvement ideas was ripping out a majority of the front yard grass and planting a drought resistant garden...mostly rock and a few succulents. The backyard is mostly drought resistant already, however there is a large abundance of red mulch and ants all over the place.


I'm not sure where it started to go wrong, but our timeline went to hell in one quick swoop. I'm pretty sure it has to do with living in California. We decided to get termite protection, since California has wonderful weather and breeds termites rather well. I'm going to have to give Orkin a shout-out here, because they were AWESOME! Great customer service before and after we bought their plan. They explained there are two main types of termites: house and subterranean. Evidently house termites aren't all that bad compared to the subterranean ones. They like to set up shop and eat for years. Subterranean like to send in millions and a time to annihilate anything in their path.

Wonderful age where they actually LIKE helping!

You say, "this is great, what the heck does it have to do with anything?" It has to do with the 400 pounds of red mulch around our house attracting these stupid bugs. I thought I was overreacting until we started digging it up. We found termite eaten wood and lots of it. We also found that whoever laid the sprinkler system was quite possibly high or charged by the foot of pipe. We also found that since there are so many trees in our yard, several of our sprinkler lines leak.

Now the last item on our list got moved up in order to deal with the water bill and bug issues. In order to understand what needs to be worked on, I went to the library for some research on sprinkler systems and found that drip irrigation will work great. MD is hesitant about working with the actual pipes. How do I know this? Everyday now he has mentioned this wonderful company that does free estimates on sprinkler systems.

 Next we had to move up our downstairs flooring before the upstairs flooring. This is due to the fact that I decided to clean our carpets with our home carpet shampoo machine. Little did I know I would be bringing up the nastiest stuff known to man. Me being me, the carpet is now torn up and outside in the trash.

Before nastiness

After removing nastiness...& MD's butt!

After removing the carpet, we need to seal up the holes in the concrete and obviously let the flooring "settle" in to its new home for a few days. I'm hoping next weekend we will have the beginnings of a beautiful new wood floor!

I'm being unleashed....

There a few things that get me so excited I actually shake with glee. One of those things is tackling home improvement projects.

If my dad is reading this, he is shaking his head in disbelief. When I was younger he had to drag me kicking-and-screaming into a home improvement project. I guess I did not appreciate the knowledge I was gaining, I just felt that I was free labor.

I also understood that anytime he needed anything at a home improvement store, I had to go a long. The fact that I was a teenage girl in a store teaming with teenage boys looking to "help" someone, did not go unnoticed by my dad. If he needed to ask a question or needed something loaded into the truck, he would disappear around the corner. Seconds later, a young, helpful man would come running around the corner to assist me in my woes of home improvement. Later with the questions answered or materials loaded into the truck, we would drive back to my manual labor, no fun on the weekend, bonding experience with my dad.

I learned how to install ceiling fans, sprinkler systems, decks, wood flooring, tile and several other things that I can't think off of the top of my head. Some of you are thinking, "Wow! What an opportunity to learn things from your dad, I never had that chance." Yes, you would be right, I had a wonderful opportunity, however I was a teenager and did not understand that at the time. I was also an only child, so it didn't matter that I was his daughter or whether I was capable or not, I was simply there when tasks were needed.

With all this being said, now that I own my own home, I look forward to everything on our to-do list with so much excitement that I think it scares my husband. Maybe, even terrifies him.

Before we owned our own home, we fought over who got to put things together from places like IKEA. We would even go through the effort to make sure something was delivered when the other person wasn't home. Sad, I know.

Lately, with home ownership I have slowly been carving away at my husband's do-it-yourself insecurities. He helped install a new toilet for the kid's bathroom with hesitation, however, by the end he started looking around the house for new stuff to do. It was a proud moment in my life!

Moving ahead, we had Home Depot measure our entire house for flooring installation. I never planned on Home Depot doing all the installation, however I later realized this was exactly what MD had in mind. His do-it-yourself fears came flooding back due to his inexperience. I, on the other hand, had this wealth of knowledge, the right attitude and tons of YouTube videos at my fingertips...I was READY!

I started looking over Home Depot's estimates and doing a cost analysis of materials and labor that we could save if we did it ourselves.  MD just wasn't buying this. After about a couple of weeks of begging and pleading, he changed his mind for some reason. I'm not sure if it was the constant ideas being thrown at him, the YouTube videos I made him watch ("see honey we can really do this, that guy with a mullet did it!"), or the professional massage package I told him he could have after we completed the project (no, I didn't really, but it makes the story better), but he hesitantly agreed to unleash me.

Now that I have been unleashed I kind of feel like that dog who is made to sit and watch their toy be thrown far away. They just sit their shaking and drooling, until they are told to go get it. I've been unleashed but I'm still waiting to go get my toys at the store and start. Maybe another week....

My daughter, the philosopher

As a parent, most would say that they have a very smart child.  There are just things that your own child is great at, when compared to other children. It is what makes us unique. If we were all good at the same thing, the world would not be the weird and wonderful place it is. That being said, my daughter is very smart, sometimes she even surprises me.

There are times when your child asks you questions and you just don't want to take the time to answer life's mysteries. Many parents even have answers at the ready to explain certain things like relationships, politics, religion, etc. I am not one of those parents, unless the answer is: "Not now, please go do something else."

Maybe other kids ask these questions too, or maybe because she asks the strangest adult-like questions, I have more difficulty answering them. I believe I should always be honest with my kids and allow them to form their own beliefs and opinions...as long as they don't hurt people or things in the process. It's working so far, but honestly, they are only 6 and 3 years old.

Princess began about an hour dialogue with me the other day, about whether God was a person or not. I told her that since I'd never met God, I wasn't sure. Evidently, my answer, or the fact that I was so honest about not knowing, threw her into some philosophical high gear and the questions began spewing forth.

So how does a Buddhist answer questions about God to a 6 year old?

Before anyone is surprised with me for being Buddhist or whether my answers are "correct" or not, please allow me to restate: I believe I should always be honest with my kids and allow them to form their own beliefs and opinions. This means, I won't give her standardized answers that really don't answer her curiosity. It also means, that if she decides to choose a different path than me, this is fine as long as she understands why she chose her path.

It was very strange to be able to ask her questions about her beliefs and have her ask me the same. It was definitely not  how I expected this deep conversation to go. I also felt that my daughter was incredibly wise for her 6 years of age. There were times during the conversation when I felt she had a better grasp on what religion should be, than I did. It was absolutely amazing.

It was rather hard during some points to not say something like, "Well, I believe in Buddhism, so this is what you should believe too." I feel as though I have passed some secret parent test out there and should win a prize!



I've spent several days trying to determine if I want to post this or not. I try to keep my blog light and funny and I never, ever discuss religion or politics with anyone but my husband or my parents, just because I know that beliefs are very powerful things. However, this was a time in my life, that I was very proud of my daughter's grasp on things and also, one of those moments in my life, I will never forget.