As I mentioned before, MD likes to create his own stories to share with the kids. Last night we were blessed with another session of story time with Military Dad.
Goldilocks meets Snow White
So Goldilocks is running from the Three Bears (you know the house she broke into, stole food and broke all their furniture). Since she's running and looking behind her for the bears, she runs right smack into a tree. Grumpy was near and asked why she happened to run into a tree.
"I am running from bears!" Goldilocks replies.
"Yeah, we got bear problems. Why don't you come home with me and my brothers?" Grumpy replies.
Goldilocks liked to cook, however she wasn't very good at it. Evidently her favorite dish was acorn paste.
Goldilocks starts dating Bashful.This was really awkward for the other dwarves, since they all shared a room. Goldilocks decided she was only going to cook and clean for Bashful. The other dwarves got upset. Especially since Bashful was like Kuthrapali. (Yes, that's a Big Bang Theory reference, for the children).
One morning as they walked off to the mines, the other six dwarves started plotting with their pick axes and how to get rid of Bashful. While plotting, they run into Snow White running from the Wicked Witch of the West, or something. The dwarves decide to take Snow White home in case she wouldn't get along with Goldilocks.
Snow White loves to cook and clean for ALL the dwarves.
MD also chooses this point to mention that Snow White gives the dwarves a little something, something on the side. (Um...eew! Fortunately the kiddos don't even ask about what that means. I'm hoping through our whacked parenting skills, that they don't already know what it means!)
The dwarves start talking about how Snow White is prettier than Goldilocks. Goldilocks gets upset and tries to fight Snow White. Snow White evidently knows how to fight and gives Goldilocks a beat down. (Um...why can't she just beat up the witch, then?!) Goldilocks gets scared and runs away.
Evidently, Goldilocks has poor GPS skills, because she runs right back to the Bear's cabin, where they eat her. Snow White and the dwarves live happily ever after.
If you don't think that is messed up, you should read Military Dad's post on getting the Beast (Beauty & the Beast) into a relationship via a dating service. The entertainment value alone in him is worth the world to the kids and me.
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
"Even whales have menstrual cycles"
Today, we needed to relax, have fun and get out of the house all at the same time. This usually means a trip to the beach, slathering on the SPF 90, for a few hours of sand-in-every-crevice fun.
While the kids were enjoying digging a hole, MD and I were watching the waves break. I noticed that there was a lime green algae drift and then some red colored water when certain waves broke near the beach.
I mentioned the red colored water to MD because we point out these random things to each other. (After today's conversation, I'm beginning to wonder why.) He looks right at me and says, "Well, even whales have menstrual cycles."
Many hours later and I'm still not sure what to do with this statement. I even Googled "whale menstrual cycles". It seems scientists are still debating this subject. Some believe that killer whales may menstruate, but other whales don't seem too. It basically comes down to the fact that whales are in the water all the time and marine biologists seem to have better things to study than whether a whale needs a tampon or not. (Which obviously wouldn't work in the water, yes, I realize this!)
I just needed to share MD's awful statement, because of the hours of torture spent wondering and researching whales menstrual cycles. I can't even tell him he is wrong (or right) for that matter, because they just don't know!
For those of the curious nature, he went out and body surfed for awhile. He came back and informed me that it was actually red algae.
While the kids were enjoying digging a hole, MD and I were watching the waves break. I noticed that there was a lime green algae drift and then some red colored water when certain waves broke near the beach.
I mentioned the red colored water to MD because we point out these random things to each other. (After today's conversation, I'm beginning to wonder why.) He looks right at me and says, "Well, even whales have menstrual cycles."
Many hours later and I'm still not sure what to do with this statement. I even Googled "whale menstrual cycles". It seems scientists are still debating this subject. Some believe that killer whales may menstruate, but other whales don't seem too. It basically comes down to the fact that whales are in the water all the time and marine biologists seem to have better things to study than whether a whale needs a tampon or not. (Which obviously wouldn't work in the water, yes, I realize this!)
I just needed to share MD's awful statement, because of the hours of torture spent wondering and researching whales menstrual cycles. I can't even tell him he is wrong (or right) for that matter, because they just don't know!
For those of the curious nature, he went out and body surfed for awhile. He came back and informed me that it was actually red algae.
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Yay! Home ownership!
I may have mentioned that we bought our first home in June. I don't want to downplay the experience to anyone who isn't in the military, because your first house is huge, it's a big deal, celebrate!
If you are in the military and somehow you manage to be stationed somewhere where owning a home makes sense, that's just AWESOME! We get to celebrate twice! First we bought a home, YIPPEE! Second, holy crap, we will be stationed in one area for more than two years, HOORAY!
Since it is the middle of July now, we've done some small house improvement projects such as painting and yard work. Now it's time to move onto the bigger things.
I'm excited, my husband is terrified.
I grew up, an only child, with a father who worked construction, until he was forced to choose a different (safer) career. (That's another post). I grew up learning certain electrical, plumbing and general construction projects that most home improvement stores try to teach people everyday. The only project that I hated and will never, ever attempt again is wallpapering. Thankfully that has gone out of style...hopefully forever.
MD and I decided that our first project probably needs to be installing a smaller toilet in the kid's bathroom. Little Dude, being...little, has some issues with the current toilet. Heck, I'm only 5'3" and I have issues with my feet touching! Evidently these are the new ADA compliant toilets, which are great for elderly and obviously handicapped persons, however for us short people, they suck...a lot.
For a couple of weeks, we have been researching toilets and browsing our local home improvement stores. After watching a few YouTube and DIY videos on installing toilets, I felt this was a project we could actually handle. MD even watched the video with me and commented that it seemed easy enough. That was all I needed, so I started researching toilets to see what was the most economical, and where to buy it.
I found one and informed him that it was indeed economical and we could pick it up the next day. MD gave me a look, that said "Uh-oh, if I seem too interested, we'll be doing this project tomorrow." I saw his weakness and said, "Which means we can install it tomorrow!" At this point, I am smiling from ear-to-ear. His first look has now turned from unsure to horrified. He then changes the subject to flooring, which is also another future project on our list. Off I go, researching flooring.
That was last night. Now I'm awake and ready to go! (In my head, is my little person rubbing their fingers together-think Mr. Burns of the Simpson's fame). I may have to drag him kicking and screaming, but after I break his home improvement fears, I think he'll be okay.
I may even post before and after photos...maybe not, it is a toilet after all! Wish us luck!
If you are in the military and somehow you manage to be stationed somewhere where owning a home makes sense, that's just AWESOME! We get to celebrate twice! First we bought a home, YIPPEE! Second, holy crap, we will be stationed in one area for more than two years, HOORAY!
Since it is the middle of July now, we've done some small house improvement projects such as painting and yard work. Now it's time to move onto the bigger things.
I'm excited, my husband is terrified.
I grew up, an only child, with a father who worked construction, until he was forced to choose a different (safer) career. (That's another post). I grew up learning certain electrical, plumbing and general construction projects that most home improvement stores try to teach people everyday. The only project that I hated and will never, ever attempt again is wallpapering. Thankfully that has gone out of style...hopefully forever.
MD and I decided that our first project probably needs to be installing a smaller toilet in the kid's bathroom. Little Dude, being...little, has some issues with the current toilet. Heck, I'm only 5'3" and I have issues with my feet touching! Evidently these are the new ADA compliant toilets, which are great for elderly and obviously handicapped persons, however for us short people, they suck...a lot.
For a couple of weeks, we have been researching toilets and browsing our local home improvement stores. After watching a few YouTube and DIY videos on installing toilets, I felt this was a project we could actually handle. MD even watched the video with me and commented that it seemed easy enough. That was all I needed, so I started researching toilets to see what was the most economical, and where to buy it.
I found one and informed him that it was indeed economical and we could pick it up the next day. MD gave me a look, that said "Uh-oh, if I seem too interested, we'll be doing this project tomorrow." I saw his weakness and said, "Which means we can install it tomorrow!" At this point, I am smiling from ear-to-ear. His first look has now turned from unsure to horrified. He then changes the subject to flooring, which is also another future project on our list. Off I go, researching flooring.
That was last night. Now I'm awake and ready to go! (In my head, is my little person rubbing their fingers together-think Mr. Burns of the Simpson's fame). I may have to drag him kicking and screaming, but after I break his home improvement fears, I think he'll be okay.
I may even post before and after photos...maybe not, it is a toilet after all! Wish us luck!
Thursday, July 12, 2012
Laundry Gnomes
Military Dad (MD), recently published a post about something called Laundry Gnomes and I felt the need to share a conversation we had this evening.
First let me begin by explaining Laundry Gnomes, for those who aren't aware of them, or haven't read Military Dad's blog.
Laundry Gnomes are..........................................me (or, in your house, whoever does the last third of the laundry). Confused? So was I.
MD and I are very good about working together on chores around the house. It's much easier to see the things that need to get done and do them, rather then spend days fighting about it and hurting each other's feelings. We went through that phase too, we didn't start out perfect.
The one thing that we both hate and will usually set aside until forgotten: putting away the clothes. We don't mind washing/drying the clothes. We don't even mind folding them, then organizing them into neat little piles for us, Little Dude and Princess. Then we separate the little piles and tell the kids to go put away their clothes. Princess normally puts hers away the day laundry is done. Little Dude still needs a little help, but he gets his clothes in the general area of his closet.
Our pile is where it gets awful. The process of putting them away into drawers or hanging the clothes on hangers is debilitating to us. In the past, we would get our clean clothes out of the laundry basket to wear, because they'd been in there for a few days. Then it got worse! We would actually have to empty out the laundry basket in order to bring up the new clean clothes.
At this point, I usually sigh loudly and in his general direction, then put them away. Sometimes I would have to put them away while he was at work. He would come home to an empty laundry basket and joke about how the Laundry Gnomes struck again and put away all of our clothes. I would growl and he would chuckle.
The Laundry Gnomes went on strike in the new house, not for any specific reason, they just quit working. Personally, I think our closet is the cause. It's just one of those closets that screams: "I like being messy!"
Finally, moving on to the conversation:
Earlier today:
Me: Hey, can you speak to the Laundry Gnomes and ask them to bring the laundry basket upstairs?
MD: Uh, sure I can always ask.
Later tonight:
I'm walking up the stairs, noticing he is playing PS3. At this moment, I know that the laundry basket is in the deep innermost recesses of his mind, soon to be, or already forgotten.
Me: I spoke with the Laundry Gnomes earlier and they would like it if you would bring the laundry basket upstairs for them.
MD: You spoke to them? I'm sure you don't even know their names!
Me: Yes, I do. Tutti and Frutti (maybe I was craving pancakes, I'm not sure where it came from)
MD: That's insulting! They aren't sprites!
Me: I'll be sure to tell them that you think their names are sprite-like. Tutti is his real name, however the other gnome changed his to Frutti recently. He seems to be going through a sexual identity crisis right now and decided his name should rhyme Tutti's. Tutti isn't very comfortable with this, though.
MD: blank stare....
MD: Wow, well they need to carry the basket up the stairs either way.
Me: Give them a break! They are only gnomes, they're little and we don't want them to get hurt!
Well, MD is still playing PS3 and I'm writing a post. Hopefully the basket makes it up the stairs, the Laundry Gnomes have an important meeting with the Hanger Fairy Union tomorrow, in order to figure out why our hangers keep mysteriously disappearing.
First let me begin by explaining Laundry Gnomes, for those who aren't aware of them, or haven't read Military Dad's blog.
Laundry Gnomes are..........................................me (or, in your house, whoever does the last third of the laundry). Confused? So was I.
MD and I are very good about working together on chores around the house. It's much easier to see the things that need to get done and do them, rather then spend days fighting about it and hurting each other's feelings. We went through that phase too, we didn't start out perfect.
The one thing that we both hate and will usually set aside until forgotten: putting away the clothes. We don't mind washing/drying the clothes. We don't even mind folding them, then organizing them into neat little piles for us, Little Dude and Princess. Then we separate the little piles and tell the kids to go put away their clothes. Princess normally puts hers away the day laundry is done. Little Dude still needs a little help, but he gets his clothes in the general area of his closet.
Our pile is where it gets awful. The process of putting them away into drawers or hanging the clothes on hangers is debilitating to us. In the past, we would get our clean clothes out of the laundry basket to wear, because they'd been in there for a few days. Then it got worse! We would actually have to empty out the laundry basket in order to bring up the new clean clothes.
At this point, I usually sigh loudly and in his general direction, then put them away. Sometimes I would have to put them away while he was at work. He would come home to an empty laundry basket and joke about how the Laundry Gnomes struck again and put away all of our clothes. I would growl and he would chuckle.
The Laundry Gnomes went on strike in the new house, not for any specific reason, they just quit working. Personally, I think our closet is the cause. It's just one of those closets that screams: "I like being messy!"
Finally, moving on to the conversation:
Earlier today:
Me: Hey, can you speak to the Laundry Gnomes and ask them to bring the laundry basket upstairs?
MD: Uh, sure I can always ask.
Later tonight:
I'm walking up the stairs, noticing he is playing PS3. At this moment, I know that the laundry basket is in the deep innermost recesses of his mind, soon to be, or already forgotten.
Me: I spoke with the Laundry Gnomes earlier and they would like it if you would bring the laundry basket upstairs for them.
MD: You spoke to them? I'm sure you don't even know their names!
Me: Yes, I do. Tutti and Frutti (maybe I was craving pancakes, I'm not sure where it came from)
MD: That's insulting! They aren't sprites!
Me: I'll be sure to tell them that you think their names are sprite-like. Tutti is his real name, however the other gnome changed his to Frutti recently. He seems to be going through a sexual identity crisis right now and decided his name should rhyme Tutti's. Tutti isn't very comfortable with this, though.
MD: blank stare....
MD: Wow, well they need to carry the basket up the stairs either way.
Me: Give them a break! They are only gnomes, they're little and we don't want them to get hurt!
Well, MD is still playing PS3 and I'm writing a post. Hopefully the basket makes it up the stairs, the Laundry Gnomes have an important meeting with the Hanger Fairy Union tomorrow, in order to figure out why our hangers keep mysteriously disappearing.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Identity Crisis
Up until Sunday, I was (to my knowledge) never referred to as a sweetheart. I have been known to be sweet on rare occasions. My husband does call me sweetheart, but it is similar to "yes, dear" that it's not really an endearment, more of a statement.
I'm not really the sort of person who goes out of their way to be nice or pleasant really. I'm just me. A lot of people find me a bit abrasive and challenging. As I have said before, I'm not a people person, but I can fake it really well. My husband will be the first to tell you that I am very opinionated and seem to delude myself into believing that my opinions are indeed facts. I argue a lot, because I don't like being wrong. Even on the rare occasion when it seems that I am actually wrong, I will argue about it until the other person just gets tired or frustrated and gives up. I know that I wasn't correct, but I won the argument. It truly takes special or maybe "special" people to be my friends...I have a few.
So what did I do to receive this honorable(?) title of sweetheart? I really don't know, but it must have been good!
The story begins: a fellow father blogger (MadDadz) and his daughter came down to San Diego to watch a Padres game and my husband (Military Dad) and Princess decided to go with them.
This is probably the point at which I should mention, we've never met these people before. My husband and MadDadz' only form of communication was trading random emails or insults about each others blogs. I am a regular reader of MadDadz blog, so he sucked me into his world too. MadDadz almost seemed like someone I would love to meet, if I weren't completely antisocial.
My husband being the social-everyone-likes-me kind of guy, casually invited him to have a beer if he ever ventured down to San Diego. Fast forward a few months and MadDadz announces he is taking his kids to every baseball stadium in the Western area, guess what? Yep, San Diego is on his agenda.
How bad can he be? He's taking his kids to see a few baseball games. According to one of his blogs, his son wasn't real excited about the prospect and told him in so many words, "No!" His daughter wanted to experience it though, now the beer offer from my husband is a real thing.
Obviously with his daughter coming, a beer wasn't such a good idea, so they both agree Military Dad and Princess should join them at the game. So maybe they can just meet at the game and meet in a public place, right? Nope, my husband says, "Come on over and we'll fix you lunch before the game!" Ah jeez!
Did I mention that MadDadz is from Beverly Hills and he's a lawyer? No, I left that out? Oops. Anyway, now being the person I am, I grit my teeth, clean the house like a madwoman and figure out what we should feed these well-to-do people. My husband helps me decide that his meals (comfort food) are too heavy, because they have been on the road and eating unhealthy food. Ugh! I decide vegetarian lasagna shouldn't be too bad to make. Then I remembered he was bringing his daughter and to be honest, I wasn't sure my own children would eat the lasagna. (Insert maniacal screaming with random bits of laughter)
Contrary to my overactive imagination of being hacked up into pieces and never heard from again, they were great people to meet. What can I say, I'm really surprised I don't have ulcers.
What I realized, despite his blog, he's a lot like Military Dad, in that he is very easy to like. His daughter was absolutely wonderful. She entertained my kids and put up with their weirdness with a genuine smile on her face. She also made my husband laugh for hours with descriptions of her story characters. She even drew us pictures of most of them, I believe. There is only one character she drew that really creeps me out, one of these days the banshee character will stop haunting my dreams.
During this whole encounter, of which I had about an hour's worth of involvement, I became a sweetheart. I am having to reassess my whole outlook. What if I can actually be a sweetheart and break through my sullen exterior? It's something to think about.
But for now, my husband isn't feeling well because he ate too much for lunch, so I'm going to make him go pick up Chipotle for dinner. What can I say, I'm such a sweetheart!
I'm not really the sort of person who goes out of their way to be nice or pleasant really. I'm just me. A lot of people find me a bit abrasive and challenging. As I have said before, I'm not a people person, but I can fake it really well. My husband will be the first to tell you that I am very opinionated and seem to delude myself into believing that my opinions are indeed facts. I argue a lot, because I don't like being wrong. Even on the rare occasion when it seems that I am actually wrong, I will argue about it until the other person just gets tired or frustrated and gives up. I know that I wasn't correct, but I won the argument. It truly takes special or maybe "special" people to be my friends...I have a few.
So what did I do to receive this honorable(?) title of sweetheart? I really don't know, but it must have been good!
The story begins: a fellow father blogger (MadDadz) and his daughter came down to San Diego to watch a Padres game and my husband (Military Dad) and Princess decided to go with them.
This is probably the point at which I should mention, we've never met these people before. My husband and MadDadz' only form of communication was trading random emails or insults about each others blogs. I am a regular reader of MadDadz blog, so he sucked me into his world too. MadDadz almost seemed like someone I would love to meet, if I weren't completely antisocial.
My husband being the social-everyone-likes-me kind of guy, casually invited him to have a beer if he ever ventured down to San Diego. Fast forward a few months and MadDadz announces he is taking his kids to every baseball stadium in the Western area, guess what? Yep, San Diego is on his agenda.
How bad can he be? He's taking his kids to see a few baseball games. According to one of his blogs, his son wasn't real excited about the prospect and told him in so many words, "No!" His daughter wanted to experience it though, now the beer offer from my husband is a real thing.
Obviously with his daughter coming, a beer wasn't such a good idea, so they both agree Military Dad and Princess should join them at the game. So maybe they can just meet at the game and meet in a public place, right? Nope, my husband says, "Come on over and we'll fix you lunch before the game!" Ah jeez!
Did I mention that MadDadz is from Beverly Hills and he's a lawyer? No, I left that out? Oops. Anyway, now being the person I am, I grit my teeth, clean the house like a madwoman and figure out what we should feed these well-to-do people. My husband helps me decide that his meals (comfort food) are too heavy, because they have been on the road and eating unhealthy food. Ugh! I decide vegetarian lasagna shouldn't be too bad to make. Then I remembered he was bringing his daughter and to be honest, I wasn't sure my own children would eat the lasagna. (Insert maniacal screaming with random bits of laughter)
Contrary to my overactive imagination of being hacked up into pieces and never heard from again, they were great people to meet. What can I say, I'm really surprised I don't have ulcers.
What I realized, despite his blog, he's a lot like Military Dad, in that he is very easy to like. His daughter was absolutely wonderful. She entertained my kids and put up with their weirdness with a genuine smile on her face. She also made my husband laugh for hours with descriptions of her story characters. She even drew us pictures of most of them, I believe. There is only one character she drew that really creeps me out, one of these days the banshee character will stop haunting my dreams.
During this whole encounter, of which I had about an hour's worth of involvement, I became a sweetheart. I am having to reassess my whole outlook. What if I can actually be a sweetheart and break through my sullen exterior? It's something to think about.
But for now, my husband isn't feeling well because he ate too much for lunch, so I'm going to make him go pick up Chipotle for dinner. What can I say, I'm such a sweetheart!
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