Good Parenting

I always wonder if I'm hard on my kids. I have rules and expectations they need to follow on a daily basis. There are days when I believe that I am simply the worst parent alive, because I force my kids to mind their manners at the dinner table. Even if they're watching a movie with a meal, they have to sit correctly and use their silverware.

I often wonder if I'm not allowing them be kids and act crazy enough. I try to remember aspects of my childhood for comparison. However with two young children, I've firmly entrenched myself in the CRS (Can't Remember Shit) category.

Both my parents had full-time jobs, so during the day, I was taken care of by friends, grandma and/or school. I can't recall my parents yelling at me about my manners or for breaking small rules...I do remember some big ones and yes, I got a spanking or grounded when older. I do remember getting threatened a few times, but the threat was good enough for me. I think I just knew if I disappointed them I would pay for it later.

So how did my parents do it? I'm not exactly sure, but I'm pretty sure a lot of it fits with stopping after one child. Experience tells me one kid is much easier to control than two. Different personalities require finesse, you can't skate by using the all-encompassing, blanket approach.

I also think my parents were honest with me, which is hard to do with your kids. I remember a few times when I wanted a toy or something and my parents had to tell me no, because they couldn't afford it.

They also weren't afraid of causing a confrontation with me in public...if they were, it never occurred to my younger self. (Plus I'm pretty sure my mom enjoys confrontation with anyone...it's genetic, I have the same affliction.) If I started to throw a tantrum, they would ask me if I wanted an "altercation in the car". I wasn't exactly sure what that word meant, but I knew it was a big one and it meant leaving my current public situation and going to a quiet, alone situation.

I'm starting to think my parents were kick ass with playing head games! Wow, no wonder I am awesome with manipulation, thanks mom and dad! (When your grand-kids complain later in their life, you have no one to blame but yourselves!)

Why am I discussing this? 

I was a chaperon for a field trip to an amusement park with Princess' class. (Insert dramatic or scary music).

I experienced first hand how my kids:  treated adults with respect, how they stayed safe in their group, waited quietly while other kids finished their lunches, used "thank you" and "please," and most importantly, for my sanity, stayed within grabbing distance of me.

The other kids...let's just say, I was ready for a bottle of wine after 30 minutes.

I'm amazed with how kids (of all ages) speak to adults. I allow my kids to talk back to me in some cases (not arguments) but they understand they don't cross that line with other adults. If they do, they get "the look" and quickly apologize.

I'm also absolutely horrified when parents just let their kids run loose. Hopefully I'm just paranoid from watching too many episodes of CSI and SVU, but should you really be surprised when you can't find your kid after you're done updating FB?! Don't give me that "I took my eyes off for a second" crap! Either teach your kid to stay close or pay attention; everything else can wait. If you have choice between reading my blog or watching your kid, please stop reading now and spend some time with your kids, while they still like you.

I spent 4 hours of my life, that I won't ever get back, worrying about some other person's kids because they kept trying to run off by themselves. After constantly telling them to stay close, I was given attitude and dirty looks, "because their parents let them."

Unfortunately for the poor kids, I'm confrontational and extremely persistent. By the end of the day, we were all holding each other's hands and I believe I got a few "pleases," but they were mumbled so I'm not positive.

I'm also pretty sure when the kids went home I was reported as being mean and bossy. What I would love would be for the rest of the conversation to go like this:

Parent:  Why was she so mean and bossy?

Kid:  She wouldn't let me go where I wanted to!

Parent:  We're you going by yourself?

Kid:  Yes, they were slow.

Parent:  I see. What else?

Kid:  She told me something about how she'd appreciate it if I asked her instead of told her what I wanted. She also made me say "please" and "thank you." It was awful!

Dream Response A: Who was this wonderful person? Obviously she has worked wonders with you in a couple of hours, what we haven't been able to do with years! We should thank her and shower her with praise and adoration....

(actually I hate getting compliments, but the thought is wonderful, isn't it?)

Reality Response B: Well she does sound pretty awful. We'll make sure that the next field trip you get assigned someone else. Would you like us to buy you something for your troubles?

Part of me doesn't want to chaperon the next field trip, but the alternative is letting someone else's parent do it...which parent would I get?