My alarm clock...or: Why doesn't my cat have a snooze function?

I am so excited! Tomorrow our automatic cat feeder should arrive. For clarification (and proper enthusiasm) purposes, this cat feeder can dispense a specific amount of food up to three times daily!

No I'm not lazy...well not for this reason. Our cat, Chu, is a bit on the portly side and needs to lose about 2 pounds. After trying many methods to help her shed the pounds, she just seems to be very comfortable (stubborn) at weighing more than our rat terrier.

I had given up hope on her losing the weight, however I found an automatic feeder that is on a timer. Yes I know, they have several different types with timers, however, this one dispenses a predetermined amount of food! Now I get to monitor her food plus maybe, just maybe, sleep in an extra hour or two every morning!!!

...

Imagine waking up to the feeling that you know someone is watching you. It's dark. You glance at the clock, yep, it's 4:00 AM, just like every other morning.

The problem is...it saw you glance at the clock. You're screwed.

THUMP!

Yes, that was your portly cat landing on your hardwood floor, from whatever piece of furniture she was perched on.

Quick! Turn over! Put a pillow over your head, anything before she jumps on the bed!

#$%*! She somehow managed to move her fat-self in stealth mode and is now staring you down.

Trying to ignore her now is pointless. The purring starts; not the quiet, hypnotic kind either.

Even if you manage to ignore the loud purring (some may call it growling), this is now the time when she brings out the massage-with-claws technique. (These are usually sensitive areas of skin showing, or your bladder, depends on her mood.)

I'm pretty good at ignoring her until she somehow gets my bladder involved. Either she is standing on it or has some voodoo that makes it so you really have to pee.

You've already lost...now if you get up quickly, you still have a chance at one, maybe two, hours before the kids start their morning ritual.

Tomorrow I will hopefully be on my way to a healthier, thinner cat AND a bit of extra sleep. If it works, I will write a glowing review. If it doesn't...Chu will have to learn to type, because I'll be taking some cat naps! (Sorry, I couldn't stop myself...see, I need more sleep!)