As I dropped Princess off at school this morning I had time to reflect on a few things. First, she was completely comfortable saying good-bye and running off to play. Normally she has me wait until it's time to line up for class, then she's okay with me leaving.
I watched her walk around and decide where she wanted to play. Like her mother, she went straight for the monkey bars, with a dress on. (I'm patting myself on the back for making her wear bike shorts underneath). Then she got bored and went to the swings. Most kids were pumping their legs trying to be the highest, but she just moved her legs enough to create movement. Then she looked around and watched other kids.
She is extremely observant for someone her age, she rarely misses a thing. When MD and I have to speak about the covert operations Santa or the Tooth Fairy undertake, we have to wait until she is asleep, then close the doors and turn the TV on. She does not miss a thing.
This is what led me to my second thought. She is already developing some serious obsessive compulsive tendencies. When my alarm goes off on my phone, she has already had her backpack on and ready to go for about 15 minutes. If I even look like I'm trying to hurry, she panics and thinks we are going to be late. Yes, I mean panic, there are times when I think she is about to let loose some tears because we may be on time, instead of early.
I blame this issue on myself and MD's inability to be late for anything. Hell, we can barely be on time. Normally we are about 10 to 15 minutes early for anything/everything. I'm not sure where or when we got this bad, but there are times when we actually sit and wait for 10 minutes before we allow ourselves to leave. I'm sure the tension in the house is palpable and Princess, not missing a thing, sees that being late is not an option.
My last thought before slipping into my funk, is she never turned to look for me on the playground. Once she said her good-byes, in her mind, I was already walking home. Part of me is proud that she is comfortable and independent enough at school. The other part of me wanted her to know that I was still there, if she needed anything. After thinking about it for some time, I realize that last part is more about me than her. I want her to be independent, I need her to be strong.
Now here I sit, trying to think of ways to embrace her as an independent person, prevent her from having OCDs, and make sure through my own actions that I don't really screw her up for her future.
Being a parent is a daily art form of dealing with conflicting issues. How do you get her to behave and be well-mannered, but not be too strict? How do you stress the importance of organization and cleanliness, but allow her to go play in the mud? How do you get her to be nice and share things, but know that sometimes her and Little Dude are going to have throw some punches (figuratively, I hope)? How do you get her to be a good leader and example, but not be too easy on her little brother?
I have a feeling that this starts with who you are as a person. You honestly cannot tell your child, "Do as I say, not as I do" and expect them to actually listen or even do it. Being a good person and taking responsibility for your own actions is probably the most important things a parent can do. In the past few years MD and I have been very good at changing the people we are for the better, so now what is the second step?
I'm not sure what the next step is, however I think for our little family, working on the time thing should probably be a priority.
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