As I sit here. I realize what a different person I became. I never thought I would ever have to raise two kids by myself. I never thought I would be a stay-home mother. I thought I would have a career earning six figures...I had high hopes, mostly unrealistic.
All that changed when I said "I do" to my best friend and soul mate. I've heard of other military families where the spouse is happy when the service member leaves; my heart breaks each time. I'm not sure if it's just our weird little family, but when he leaves we actually feel as if we are missing something vital.
Military Dad has been home for almost a month, so we've had a wonderful time getting to know him again after being apart for 7 months. Tomorrow he gets on a plane and doesn't come back for 41 days. He has actually lived in Rhode Island just as long as he has lived in our new house!
So here I am writing a blog while my kids are making counting chains with Military Dad and I think to myself, "I am a really strong woman!"
I am not defined by my career, I am actually defined by not having a job. I am a Navy wife and I'm proud of it. I have no other option than to be proud. So I apologize in advance, the next series of statements may cause some to tear up. I need to get some stuff off my chest...I've had a margarita, (a grande) so I feel like sharing.
What it means to me to be a Navy wife:
Holding it together as you watch your husband break down as he packs his things.
Holding it together while you watch your husband get depressed about his job and withdraw from the family.
Holding it together as your kids ask, "why does Daddy have to leave, he just got back?"
Holding it together as you pack your husband's things, because it breaks his heart having to leave his family again.
Holding it together as you hug, kiss and read your kids stories at night and tell them, "Daddy will be home soon."
Holding it together when people ask where your husband is?
Trying your best to hold it together and smile (or not strangle them) at the person who says, "I can't believe my husband is gone for a week and I don't know how to function."
Holding it together as you avoid talking to anyone about deployments, because you are on the brink of breaking down into tears...and not the cute kind either.
Holding it together as you do that last load of laundry with his clothes in it, because you realize he really isn't here.
41 more days. Counting them down already.
Showing posts with label navy wife. Show all posts
Showing posts with label navy wife. Show all posts
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Friday, May 10, 2013
Military Spouse Day
It's not everyday the President of the US creates a holiday for you. Not me specifically, but something I am labelled. I am actually very proud of the efforts that this presidential administration (mainly Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden) are taking to support our military. I won't even get started on Veteran's benefits or hospitals, that is probably several rantings worth. However, I am very glad that someone is taking an interest in what happens when the men and women come home and/or get out of the military.
In the last few years, Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden have actually brought an unknown entity, forward into the public eye: the military spouse. In the last 5 years, I have seen more endorsement and appreciation for the military spouse (and the military, itself) than in the last 12 years I have been involved with the military.
All this change aside, I do appreciate that military spouses are being recognized as hard working individuals who don't ask for much in return, other than our spouses home safe. From experience, I have had several people thank me for my service. It's awkward, I don't feel like people should thank me for my service, because I am not in the military, I am not making this huge sacrifice for my country.
Usually it takes reading about what someone else has posted regarding military spouses, in order to appreciate that I do actually make sacrifices. Through our sacrifices, our spouses are able to leave and do their jobs, without worrying whether things at home are good. Through our sacrifices, our spouses are able to concentrate 100% on their duty, so they can return safely. Knowing these things makes it a little easier to be thanked by complete strangers.
My kids and I, are thanked regularly from the employees at Lowe's or Home Depot. Most times, I turn beet red, mutter some horrible combination of your welcome and thank you, then hurry away. My kids are much better at accepting compliments than I am, so they skip outside, with their heads held high and a smile on their faces.
On those rare days I get time to miss my spouse, it's usually then, that employees (it's like they sense it) will specifically thank me for my sacrifice as a spouse. They will say something like, "Thank you for your sacrifices. You definitely have the hardest job and we really appreciate you taking care of our military!" These are the times when I usually start to cry, say thank you and walk away with my head held high.
So with my head held high and a tear (or three), I say thank you to everyone that has helped a spouse in some way! (A HUGE thanks to those that have helped me!) It's a hard job, but it is really wonderful to know that we are in people's hearts; it's nice to know we aren't as alone as we feel sometimes.
Thank you!
In the last few years, Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden have actually brought an unknown entity, forward into the public eye: the military spouse. In the last 5 years, I have seen more endorsement and appreciation for the military spouse (and the military, itself) than in the last 12 years I have been involved with the military.
All this change aside, I do appreciate that military spouses are being recognized as hard working individuals who don't ask for much in return, other than our spouses home safe. From experience, I have had several people thank me for my service. It's awkward, I don't feel like people should thank me for my service, because I am not in the military, I am not making this huge sacrifice for my country.
Usually it takes reading about what someone else has posted regarding military spouses, in order to appreciate that I do actually make sacrifices. Through our sacrifices, our spouses are able to leave and do their jobs, without worrying whether things at home are good. Through our sacrifices, our spouses are able to concentrate 100% on their duty, so they can return safely. Knowing these things makes it a little easier to be thanked by complete strangers.
My kids and I, are thanked regularly from the employees at Lowe's or Home Depot. Most times, I turn beet red, mutter some horrible combination of your welcome and thank you, then hurry away. My kids are much better at accepting compliments than I am, so they skip outside, with their heads held high and a smile on their faces.
On those rare days I get time to miss my spouse, it's usually then, that employees (it's like they sense it) will specifically thank me for my sacrifice as a spouse. They will say something like, "Thank you for your sacrifices. You definitely have the hardest job and we really appreciate you taking care of our military!" These are the times when I usually start to cry, say thank you and walk away with my head held high.
So with my head held high and a tear (or three), I say thank you to everyone that has helped a spouse in some way! (A HUGE thanks to those that have helped me!) It's a hard job, but it is really wonderful to know that we are in people's hearts; it's nice to know we aren't as alone as we feel sometimes.
Thank you!
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Things that are Important in Life
Being a military wife teaches you to value certain things above all others. Family, friends and wine are definitely at the top of the list. Throughout the years, your definition of family changes to include some really close friends. Many times during a military career your family is uprooted and moved. Even if you aren't required to move, your friends will be at some point.
At some point you would think you could get used to the constant changes, but I think it is what makes you grab onto something tighter. In each move, we have been fortunate to find that one set of friends that makes a military career seem worth the constant upheaval. Those friends are now threaded into the cloth of your definition of family.
These "sisters" of mine understand the joys and sorrows of military wifedom. We can sit down and have a glass (or three) of wine and laugh, cry or scream at something without fear of judgement. They will be brutally honest and tell you when you have snot running down your face, but it's that honesty you respect and love. We are our own therapists, sisters, mothers and often times a reality check.
We can "complain" about our husbands and/or their jobs, knowing that the person listening knows we are just venting, because we wouldn't change our husband for anything. (We'd change the job in a heart beat, but only because we worry for their safety.) We can "complain" that we have put on hold or thrown away careers to support our family and husbands, when in reality we know we've traded an easier "job" for a much more difficult career as a military wife and mother.
It's a very hard job being involved in any way with the military, be it enlisted or officer, spouse or family. Once you have found that special bond or connection with someone who understands what you are going through, don't let them go! Stay in touch, you are each other's support system, no matter the distance. For any new recruits into this strange world of military spouse: if you haven't made that connection, keep looking, we are out there! There is someone out there who will help you get through that awful first deployment or your seventh. It's a strange, often screwed-up club, but we are always open for new members!
Here is a toast to my girls that have moved or are moving away soon: Text, Skype or Call, we can have a cyber glass of wine (or three) together!
Saturday, April 28, 2012
I am NOT a Navy Wife...okay, yes I am.
Before I had children, I was uncomfortable being labeled a "Navy Wife." I'm not sure why it bothered me so much. Maybe it was because I'm introverted, I don't like groups or because I didn't like being instantly labeled before people met me.
During my husband's ROTC years, I was that career driven person who was independent, blah, blah. After he graduated, we move from the college ROTC Navy atmosphere to the "real" Navy in Norfolk, VA. He was previously enlisted before he picked up a Navy scholarship, so he knew what to expect. I had no idea what I was in for, so I went along in my own lovely reality for awhile.
The first time I set foot in a Military Treatment Facility (MTF), I was unprepared to say the least. Filling out the forms were what shocked me the most. I remember sitting there asking Military Dad what "spouse #" meant. I thought they had found I was born in Utah and they were asking about the whole Mormon polygamy thing. I was about to start yelling about being profiled, when he informed me on how most military marriages don't last and people tend to remarry a few times (3 was a spouse # option). Being told in a document that my new marital bliss was doomed to fail was an awakening.
Weeks went by and I did my best to deal with this situation. Then Military Dad got the news he would be deploying for 6 months with only 3 months notice. During those 3 months he worked 16 hour days (6 or 7 days a week) or was underway (out to sea for a few days) while they got the ship ready. I'm an only child, so I was able to find a daily routine and keep myself sane. This daily routine saved me during the actual deployment. I was also very fortunate to have been working, so I was able to make a few wonderful and very supportive friends before he had to deploy.
I was also pregnant with Princess during this first deployment. His command did their best to get him home for her birth, by sending him to a school in Rhode Island. However, Princess would not be rushed, she came 6 days later, and by that time, he was stateside, but hundreds of miles away.
Deployment #2 came 6 months later. At the end of that deployment, he transferred to a new ship that was just getting ready to leave, so Deployment #3 followed shortly afterwards. All in all, he made 3 deployments in less than 2 years.
The supportive friends I made, were also military families, and they all moved during Deployment #2 to their new duty stations. That was the toughest one. I was all alone in a strange state with no support system and a 6 month old little girl. So deployment #3 resulted in me quitting my job and moving back home with my parents to get help raise Princess.
Seven months later, Princess and I moved back to Virginia when his ship returned. Shortly afterwards, we found out that Deployment #4 was looming. Fortunately shore duty was close enough that he didn't have to go on that one.
Now, 4 years later, we are nearing the end of our shore duty time and that sea duty experience is always in the back of my mind. However, now I have 2 children who have to experience this. Princess will know what's going on, but I'm not sure how she'll deal with it. She was young enough that she probably doesn't remember the first times he had to leave. Little Dude has had Daddy home his entire life, so I'm honestly scared to think about how he'll react. Just for a second, a split second, I start to think how I'd react and the tears well up. Then that feeling of having to take care of someone other than myself automatically kicks in and both that split second and the tears are gloriously gone.
This is when I realize with pride, that yes, I'm a Navy Wife. We do what we have to, in order to keep the family functioning and healthy, including the deployed spouse and their extended family. This job requires you to become a "single" parent: paying the bills, buying groceries, fixing the water heater, etc. The job also requires you to maintain a certain decorum and not slap/yell at someone who cannot comprehend what you're going through when they say "Wow, I'd love it if my husband/wife left for a few months!" (I beg everyone, please don't say this EVER to a military spouse, it is truly a thin thread we hang on to that holds us together.)
Now, I'm very happy to be labeled and put in the Navy Wife category. It's definitely one of the craziest group of people I'd belong to! (No seriously, it's a group of crazy people-who else would repeatedly do this crap with a smile?) It takes a group of special people to become and stay military spouses. A military spouse has to put their careers and other things on hold because the military job comes first. They have a job with very large risks and very little reward, other than what we can create for ourselves. It also takes a very special service member to appreciate what their spouse is doing for them while they are thousands of miles away doing their job.
So when you thank that service member, please take the time to also thank their spouses for their hard jobs too!
During my husband's ROTC years, I was that career driven person who was independent, blah, blah. After he graduated, we move from the college ROTC Navy atmosphere to the "real" Navy in Norfolk, VA. He was previously enlisted before he picked up a Navy scholarship, so he knew what to expect. I had no idea what I was in for, so I went along in my own lovely reality for awhile.
The first time I set foot in a Military Treatment Facility (MTF), I was unprepared to say the least. Filling out the forms were what shocked me the most. I remember sitting there asking Military Dad what "spouse #" meant. I thought they had found I was born in Utah and they were asking about the whole Mormon polygamy thing. I was about to start yelling about being profiled, when he informed me on how most military marriages don't last and people tend to remarry a few times (3 was a spouse # option). Being told in a document that my new marital bliss was doomed to fail was an awakening.
Weeks went by and I did my best to deal with this situation. Then Military Dad got the news he would be deploying for 6 months with only 3 months notice. During those 3 months he worked 16 hour days (6 or 7 days a week) or was underway (out to sea for a few days) while they got the ship ready. I'm an only child, so I was able to find a daily routine and keep myself sane. This daily routine saved me during the actual deployment. I was also very fortunate to have been working, so I was able to make a few wonderful and very supportive friends before he had to deploy.
I was also pregnant with Princess during this first deployment. His command did their best to get him home for her birth, by sending him to a school in Rhode Island. However, Princess would not be rushed, she came 6 days later, and by that time, he was stateside, but hundreds of miles away.
Deployment #2 came 6 months later. At the end of that deployment, he transferred to a new ship that was just getting ready to leave, so Deployment #3 followed shortly afterwards. All in all, he made 3 deployments in less than 2 years.
The supportive friends I made, were also military families, and they all moved during Deployment #2 to their new duty stations. That was the toughest one. I was all alone in a strange state with no support system and a 6 month old little girl. So deployment #3 resulted in me quitting my job and moving back home with my parents to get help raise Princess.
Seven months later, Princess and I moved back to Virginia when his ship returned. Shortly afterwards, we found out that Deployment #4 was looming. Fortunately shore duty was close enough that he didn't have to go on that one.
Now, 4 years later, we are nearing the end of our shore duty time and that sea duty experience is always in the back of my mind. However, now I have 2 children who have to experience this. Princess will know what's going on, but I'm not sure how she'll deal with it. She was young enough that she probably doesn't remember the first times he had to leave. Little Dude has had Daddy home his entire life, so I'm honestly scared to think about how he'll react. Just for a second, a split second, I start to think how I'd react and the tears well up. Then that feeling of having to take care of someone other than myself automatically kicks in and both that split second and the tears are gloriously gone.
This is when I realize with pride, that yes, I'm a Navy Wife. We do what we have to, in order to keep the family functioning and healthy, including the deployed spouse and their extended family. This job requires you to become a "single" parent: paying the bills, buying groceries, fixing the water heater, etc. The job also requires you to maintain a certain decorum and not slap/yell at someone who cannot comprehend what you're going through when they say "Wow, I'd love it if my husband/wife left for a few months!" (I beg everyone, please don't say this EVER to a military spouse, it is truly a thin thread we hang on to that holds us together.)
Now, I'm very happy to be labeled and put in the Navy Wife category. It's definitely one of the craziest group of people I'd belong to! (No seriously, it's a group of crazy people-who else would repeatedly do this crap with a smile?) It takes a group of special people to become and stay military spouses. A military spouse has to put their careers and other things on hold because the military job comes first. They have a job with very large risks and very little reward, other than what we can create for ourselves. It also takes a very special service member to appreciate what their spouse is doing for them while they are thousands of miles away doing their job.
So when you thank that service member, please take the time to also thank their spouses for their hard jobs too!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)