While my husband has only had 3 or 4 jobs throughout his life, I've had many. I'd like to think of myself as a renaissance woman. Not the Ren Fest kind (though I do enjoy chivalry and a "friendly" jousting event, ooh! and I used to LOVE those turkey legs), but the renaissance person that was educated or experienced in twenty different things. However, in today's world, I'm labeled as a person who gets bored easily when I'm not challenged, yeah that sounds SO much better.
I have worked in various customer service positions over a few years. (I'm in my late 30's, do the math...I was going to put it down, but that number made me feel uncomfortable). Food service, banking, veterinary assistance, retail sales, animal nutrition, car rental, movie theater management and auditor (not IRS-so chill), Jamberry consultant, and most recently recess monitor, are all jobs I have had. Good gravy, that's a lot of customer service for someone who doesn't appreciate (READ: terrified of ) the fine art of conversation. (I'm not including Navy wife or mother in this list because those jobs are an entire post unto themselves and everything else pales in comparison.)
A few months ago, Princess had to write about what she wants to be when she grows up. She immediately stated she wants to be a ballerina teacher. I think this is based on her 6 to 8 classes of Intro to Ballet she took years ago. Evidently, these classes taught her enough that she wants to share her knowledge with others. (This was a couple of years ago, now she wants to be either a teacher or environmental scientist - I'll write that post later.)
Either way, this made me think back to what I answered when asked the question, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
When I was her age, I wanted to teach. I was an only child, therefore I felt that my bossiness was experience enough for teaching others about school or life in general. Plus without anyone around to argue with, or contradict me, I took this as a sign that I knew EVERYTHING.
As I grew older I remember wanting to write. I enjoyed keeping journals and writing short stories. I did not appreciate grammar enough to stick with it. My mom and her, "this is passive voice" squashed that dream for awhile. I can still see red marks or hear her voice informing me that my entire paper was littered with passive voice. (I probably have some in this post!)
Then came the phase where every child wants to be either a doctor or a lawyer. I found out that even though I could argue forever about any topic (whether I was right or not), being a lawyer involved A LOT of paperwork. I can tell you what's wrong with your paperwork, but I don't actually enjoy writing reports or filling out paperwork, so being a lawyer didn't exactly seem right.
I remember wanting to be a pediatric cardio-thoracic surgeon at one time. Evidently I just wanted to be in school for the rest of my life, because holy crap that's a lot of specializing! After volunteering ONCE for an hour at a veteran's hospital near my college, being a doctor was off my list. That's another story for another day, but please realize that as a country/society we treat our veteran's like shit, especially the elderly, that need medical care.
After seeing that humanity sucked royally, I decided that I wanted to take care of animals and switched my major to animal sciences. (My husband thinks there is something wrong with me when I watch movies. I can watch movie people slaughter each other, but so help me, if an animal is threatened, I will throw down.) While I never actually got a job in this field AFTER graduating, I enjoyed this field very much. I could argue that movie theater management, is very much in the animal science field, however that may require another post.
A while ago, I was offered a job at a local veterinarian's office as a veterinary assistant. I went in for my normal "raping of my wallet," otherwise known as small animal veterinary care, with Maggie for her shots. There is a method to holding down any size dog in order to give it vaccinations, and after several years of experience, I still remember the method. The vet complimented me on my technique, so I felt the need to explain my experience. When she honestly asked me if I wanted a job, I was horrified.
I wasn't horrified because I didn't want a job, or that a veterinary assistant was a position lower than a college graduate, blah, blah. I was horrified because I actually thought about it.
My current job as Navy Wife and stay-at-home mother is the most challenging and rewarding job I've had up to this point in my life, why would I change that? Well, after 7 months of my husband being gone, there comes a point when you crave the easy road. Yes, a job is the easy road.
When you are home all day with your kids, whether they are in school or not, it is a tough job. You have to manage to get done everything you need to get done, plus entertain and educate your children. If you are fortunate to have nappers, then you get a small break, in which I strongly suggest you lie your butt down and take a nap with them! However, you won't, because you think that one hour of peace, "just imagine the things you could accomplish!"
Your only real down time is at night when they go to sleep. You get to catch up on any shows you recorded, read a book, spend countless hours on Facebook, Twitter, etc. The problem is, some days, you pass out at 7:30 with your kids, just to start your day over.
I began this post several years ago. Since then I became a Duty Supervisor at my kids' elementary school. I volunteered and they convinced me to come over to the other side and get paid. I spend the hottest part of the day in the sun (sometimes it rains) watching elementary kids at recess or lunch. It's a hard job, but there are times when it is seriously fun and rewarding.
I went from two decently behaved kids to over 800 kids who have good days and bad days. Some days you wake up thinking I really don't want to go yell at kids today. Mostly because parents don't interact with their own children anymore, they are starved for attention when they get to school. It's hard to contain that energy all the time. Over the last three years, I have watched first graders turn into fifth graders. This June when school ends will be very tough on me. I'm moving away from all these kids I've watched grow. Who knew that my younger self would know what I would be passionate about in my late 30's?
As I look towards moving to another state, I still have no idea "what I want to be when I grow up." I still don't really consider myself "grown up" enough to need to know. Grown ups are people who have settled. My parents aren't even "grown up" in the sense that they are still learning new things, starting new hobbies, learning Gaelic!
I'm beginning to think that what you want to be is not what should define you as a person. Your job or career is not what makes you a great person, or even a bad person, it's what puts food on the table. If you have found something you are passionate about, that is what should define you. Whatever makes you a better person, that's what we should do as we grow up.
Showing posts with label military wife. Show all posts
Showing posts with label military wife. Show all posts
Monday, April 3, 2017
Friday, May 10, 2013
Military Spouse Day
It's not everyday the President of the US creates a holiday for you. Not me specifically, but something I am labelled. I am actually very proud of the efforts that this presidential administration (mainly Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden) are taking to support our military. I won't even get started on Veteran's benefits or hospitals, that is probably several rantings worth. However, I am very glad that someone is taking an interest in what happens when the men and women come home and/or get out of the military.
In the last few years, Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden have actually brought an unknown entity, forward into the public eye: the military spouse. In the last 5 years, I have seen more endorsement and appreciation for the military spouse (and the military, itself) than in the last 12 years I have been involved with the military.
All this change aside, I do appreciate that military spouses are being recognized as hard working individuals who don't ask for much in return, other than our spouses home safe. From experience, I have had several people thank me for my service. It's awkward, I don't feel like people should thank me for my service, because I am not in the military, I am not making this huge sacrifice for my country.
Usually it takes reading about what someone else has posted regarding military spouses, in order to appreciate that I do actually make sacrifices. Through our sacrifices, our spouses are able to leave and do their jobs, without worrying whether things at home are good. Through our sacrifices, our spouses are able to concentrate 100% on their duty, so they can return safely. Knowing these things makes it a little easier to be thanked by complete strangers.
My kids and I, are thanked regularly from the employees at Lowe's or Home Depot. Most times, I turn beet red, mutter some horrible combination of your welcome and thank you, then hurry away. My kids are much better at accepting compliments than I am, so they skip outside, with their heads held high and a smile on their faces.
On those rare days I get time to miss my spouse, it's usually then, that employees (it's like they sense it) will specifically thank me for my sacrifice as a spouse. They will say something like, "Thank you for your sacrifices. You definitely have the hardest job and we really appreciate you taking care of our military!" These are the times when I usually start to cry, say thank you and walk away with my head held high.
So with my head held high and a tear (or three), I say thank you to everyone that has helped a spouse in some way! (A HUGE thanks to those that have helped me!) It's a hard job, but it is really wonderful to know that we are in people's hearts; it's nice to know we aren't as alone as we feel sometimes.
Thank you!
In the last few years, Michelle Obama and Dr. Jill Biden have actually brought an unknown entity, forward into the public eye: the military spouse. In the last 5 years, I have seen more endorsement and appreciation for the military spouse (and the military, itself) than in the last 12 years I have been involved with the military.
All this change aside, I do appreciate that military spouses are being recognized as hard working individuals who don't ask for much in return, other than our spouses home safe. From experience, I have had several people thank me for my service. It's awkward, I don't feel like people should thank me for my service, because I am not in the military, I am not making this huge sacrifice for my country.
Usually it takes reading about what someone else has posted regarding military spouses, in order to appreciate that I do actually make sacrifices. Through our sacrifices, our spouses are able to leave and do their jobs, without worrying whether things at home are good. Through our sacrifices, our spouses are able to concentrate 100% on their duty, so they can return safely. Knowing these things makes it a little easier to be thanked by complete strangers.
My kids and I, are thanked regularly from the employees at Lowe's or Home Depot. Most times, I turn beet red, mutter some horrible combination of your welcome and thank you, then hurry away. My kids are much better at accepting compliments than I am, so they skip outside, with their heads held high and a smile on their faces.
On those rare days I get time to miss my spouse, it's usually then, that employees (it's like they sense it) will specifically thank me for my sacrifice as a spouse. They will say something like, "Thank you for your sacrifices. You definitely have the hardest job and we really appreciate you taking care of our military!" These are the times when I usually start to cry, say thank you and walk away with my head held high.
So with my head held high and a tear (or three), I say thank you to everyone that has helped a spouse in some way! (A HUGE thanks to those that have helped me!) It's a hard job, but it is really wonderful to know that we are in people's hearts; it's nice to know we aren't as alone as we feel sometimes.
Thank you!
Thursday, November 29, 2012
And now there are three....
In my last post I discussed the wonderful feelings that go along with being a military spouse as you get ready for deployment time. They suck, plain and simple. It's hard getting ready for your loved one to leave. The hardest part is the day of departure.
The day Military Dad has to leave, we go through our morning routine as usual. Kids are dressed and fed breakfast. During a few moments, I can tell Military Dad is about to break down, so I keep him and the kids busy with tiny distractions. I'm not sure why I do this. Part of me questions whether "protecting" the kids from seeing their father upset about leaving, is even a good thing. Yes, it would upset them, but would it be that bad? Wouldn't they want to know that this isn't easy for him? Wouldn't they want to know that leaving them is breaking his heart? So, I'm not entirely sure who I'm "protecting" at this point, MD, me or them?
At one point, he pulls me aside and says, "I don't know how you can be so strong?!"
Really? I'm going nutso on the inside, so now I'm confused as to how I look on the outside, because somehow I look like I have it all together. Yay?
We decided he would wait until the kids were both in school before he would start his trip. Fortunately, I guess, the kids didn't really react the way we thought they would. We were prepared for anguish, crying and having to tear kids off Daddy. Little Dude hugged him and went off to reading circle in preschool, without a tear or look back. Princess got attacked by all of her little friends at school; somehow, despite our genetics, she seems to be a "popular" child. Daddy barely got a hug good-bye, before she was pulled off in the other direction.
We were left rather empty after both kids. No drama at all. In the long run, I think that was the best way; however, when you are prepared for the worst, it kind of comes as a let down.
Everything is packed into the car, and one last check to make sure he has everything he needs...now it is finally that time. This is honestly the worst part in all of this. I have to break the hug, watch him get into the car and drive away. After this, it will actually seem easier because you get into a rhythm and days can drift by. However, the good-bye, right before, is awful.
Sitting here typing this it actually takes me back to two previous deployments and a multitude of underways. (Underways are short periods, usually 1 week up to 3 months). Watching him drive away was actually much easier than watching him deploy on a ship. Deploying on a ship takes HOURS. You may think that makes it easier, because you get to see him and say good-bye longer. It doesn't. It allows you MUCH more time to wallow in pain and self-pity. Plus there are several good-bye periods when they leave on the ship.
The first good-bye is pretty hard because it's the physical one. This is the hugging part, where you break the hug and watch him walk to the ship. Then you keep waving to each other, as he boards the ship. Now comes a period where he disappears for awhile. This is usually where the sailors go to their bunks/rooms and change into their uniforms. MD always wore his "whites" when he deployed.
If you are lucky, now you get to wave at your sailor for more time as they stand on the various decks available on the ship. If your sailor has any involvement in the steering (they call it driving, which is nuts-don't get me started on Navy terms or acronyms, that's an entirely different blog) or engineering sections, you may not get to see them, as they are rather important in the actual departing from the pier.
Now the engines start up, the ship blows its horn, and the lines (ropes) are thrown. This is when your heart leaps from that nice spot in your chest, up into your throat. The ship starts to actually pull away from the pier. This is when you look around and notice the difference between the first-timer spouses and the ones who have done this before. The first-timers aren't able to hide their tears; they are going between bawling and hysterics. The spouses who have been there, done that, are wiping away tears they allow to fall, underneath their sunglasses (yes, it's probably dark outside, but they don't care). Then they take those deep breaths and walk to their cars, usually dragging 2-3 kids.
First-timers, I'm not making fun of the water works, I was there and I waited until I couldn't see that stupid ship on the horizon, before I left. The only difference, is now I know how much easier it is to deal with stuff if I get onto a schedule. Also, if anyone tries to have a conversation with one of those "experienced" spouses, it will end badly. We may look all tough and composed, but if you try to talk to us about our spouse leaving, wow.....flood gate of emotion, snot and tears. We keep sane by the mantra: "out of sight, out of mind." Also, lots of wine.
It's been two days and I'm finally to the point of having a decent conversation with someone without crying. The sunglasses are still on, but hey, at least I'm not tearing up anymore.
Having a conversation with Little Dude's teacher nearly broke me when I picked him up that afternoon. I forgot to leave my sunglasses on! She asked how I was doing, which was awful (for me, not her-she was showing concern which any other day, I would appreciate)...I could answer yes/no questions, not talk about my feelings. I quickly put my sunglasses on and somehow managed to get through the rest of the conversation.
I have to get a handle on it, because I volunteer in Princess' class on Friday. If her class does that switch rooms thing, there will be a solid 4 minutes where she can ask me how things are going! So I will end here for now, so I can get immersed into my schedule.
Plus I think our wine fridge is running quite low....Trader Joe's here I come!
The day Military Dad has to leave, we go through our morning routine as usual. Kids are dressed and fed breakfast. During a few moments, I can tell Military Dad is about to break down, so I keep him and the kids busy with tiny distractions. I'm not sure why I do this. Part of me questions whether "protecting" the kids from seeing their father upset about leaving, is even a good thing. Yes, it would upset them, but would it be that bad? Wouldn't they want to know that this isn't easy for him? Wouldn't they want to know that leaving them is breaking his heart? So, I'm not entirely sure who I'm "protecting" at this point, MD, me or them?
At one point, he pulls me aside and says, "I don't know how you can be so strong?!"
Really? I'm going nutso on the inside, so now I'm confused as to how I look on the outside, because somehow I look like I have it all together. Yay?
We decided he would wait until the kids were both in school before he would start his trip. Fortunately, I guess, the kids didn't really react the way we thought they would. We were prepared for anguish, crying and having to tear kids off Daddy. Little Dude hugged him and went off to reading circle in preschool, without a tear or look back. Princess got attacked by all of her little friends at school; somehow, despite our genetics, she seems to be a "popular" child. Daddy barely got a hug good-bye, before she was pulled off in the other direction.
We were left rather empty after both kids. No drama at all. In the long run, I think that was the best way; however, when you are prepared for the worst, it kind of comes as a let down.
Everything is packed into the car, and one last check to make sure he has everything he needs...now it is finally that time. This is honestly the worst part in all of this. I have to break the hug, watch him get into the car and drive away. After this, it will actually seem easier because you get into a rhythm and days can drift by. However, the good-bye, right before, is awful.
Sitting here typing this it actually takes me back to two previous deployments and a multitude of underways. (Underways are short periods, usually 1 week up to 3 months). Watching him drive away was actually much easier than watching him deploy on a ship. Deploying on a ship takes HOURS. You may think that makes it easier, because you get to see him and say good-bye longer. It doesn't. It allows you MUCH more time to wallow in pain and self-pity. Plus there are several good-bye periods when they leave on the ship.
The first good-bye is pretty hard because it's the physical one. This is the hugging part, where you break the hug and watch him walk to the ship. Then you keep waving to each other, as he boards the ship. Now comes a period where he disappears for awhile. This is usually where the sailors go to their bunks/rooms and change into their uniforms. MD always wore his "whites" when he deployed.
If you are lucky, now you get to wave at your sailor for more time as they stand on the various decks available on the ship. If your sailor has any involvement in the steering (they call it driving, which is nuts-don't get me started on Navy terms or acronyms, that's an entirely different blog) or engineering sections, you may not get to see them, as they are rather important in the actual departing from the pier.
Now the engines start up, the ship blows its horn, and the lines (ropes) are thrown. This is when your heart leaps from that nice spot in your chest, up into your throat. The ship starts to actually pull away from the pier. This is when you look around and notice the difference between the first-timer spouses and the ones who have done this before. The first-timers aren't able to hide their tears; they are going between bawling and hysterics. The spouses who have been there, done that, are wiping away tears they allow to fall, underneath their sunglasses (yes, it's probably dark outside, but they don't care). Then they take those deep breaths and walk to their cars, usually dragging 2-3 kids.
First-timers, I'm not making fun of the water works, I was there and I waited until I couldn't see that stupid ship on the horizon, before I left. The only difference, is now I know how much easier it is to deal with stuff if I get onto a schedule. Also, if anyone tries to have a conversation with one of those "experienced" spouses, it will end badly. We may look all tough and composed, but if you try to talk to us about our spouse leaving, wow.....flood gate of emotion, snot and tears. We keep sane by the mantra: "out of sight, out of mind." Also, lots of wine.
It's been two days and I'm finally to the point of having a decent conversation with someone without crying. The sunglasses are still on, but hey, at least I'm not tearing up anymore.
Having a conversation with Little Dude's teacher nearly broke me when I picked him up that afternoon. I forgot to leave my sunglasses on! She asked how I was doing, which was awful (for me, not her-she was showing concern which any other day, I would appreciate)...I could answer yes/no questions, not talk about my feelings. I quickly put my sunglasses on and somehow managed to get through the rest of the conversation.
I have to get a handle on it, because I volunteer in Princess' class on Friday. If her class does that switch rooms thing, there will be a solid 4 minutes where she can ask me how things are going! So I will end here for now, so I can get immersed into my schedule.
Plus I think our wine fridge is running quite low....Trader Joe's here I come!
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
It's about to get real....
It's about to get real....depressing.
Yep, shore duty is coming to an end. For those non-military spouses, that means every once in awhile the military rewards us with 2-3 years where our spouses get to stay home and work somewhat normal hours. In other words no week to month underways or 6-9 month deployments. Our spouses actually get to have that "normal" workweek, where they go to work....and then they come home the same exact evening...at a decent time!!!
Cynicism aside, I have truly enjoyed the last four years. Yep, four years. We milked this thing for all it was worth! My husband was extremely lucky in this, normal shore tours are 2-3 years long. Now as I start my lists and checklists to make sure he has everything he needs, it gets hard not to stop and think about what I am actually doing.
I am gathering my husband's stuff and getting ready to send him packing for almost 8 months without a second thought. Denial is a wonderful tool to get you through some things. The problem is when denial lets you down for that split second, your mind takes off and sends you spiraling down this rabbit hole. This rabbit hole comes complete with two completely different sides, depending on where you bounce. You either land on the "feel sorry for me" side or the "I have no reason to complain" side. There is no falling straight down, like Alice does in "Alice in Wonderland."
What normally happens when you are packing away his uniforms or artwork from the kids, you stop and think, "Why the hell am I packing his stuff up so he can leave easier?" It isn't that you are resenting doing the work, it's asking yourself, "why do I have to send my husband away? and more importantly, why do I have to act like it doesn't bother me?!"
The making lists and checklists, the actual sorting and packing his things; this busy work helps keep me occupied and out of the rabbit hole. I find myself cleaning for no apparent reason, organizing random things that have already been organized (twice), almost to the point of exhaustion, in order to not think about what happens next week.
Then that one moment sneaks in and you stop the mindless work and you get to take that trip down the rabbit hole. You start looking around at your kids and their pictures, your husband's things, and wondering why you have to be the one that gives this up. Why do you and your kids have to deal with this when 95% of the population doesn't have to?
Then the tears come, which of course, you need to hide from your kids so you don't upset them. You need to be strong for everyone in this family. A lot rests on your shoulders, and even more will be placed on them as you become a single parent for several months. It's a huge load, it really is. You are now firmly on the pity-me side of the rabbit hole.
This side only lasts long enough for you to stop crying and think one thought, "Thankfully he isn't going into combat." With that single thought you are now firmly entrenched on the "I don't deserve to feel bad" side.
Now you are no longer worthy of feeling sorry for yourself, because your spouse is only going to school on the other coast for 7 months. You will be able to call him, email him and Skype him daily, if possible. Then you start thinking that even if he was being deployed he still wouldn't be in AS much danger as the soldiers or infantrymen going into combat. What the hell would you say to those spouses as you cry your tears of pity?!
The tears are gone and anger gets you through the rest of packing, cleaning, detailing your car, gardening, etc. It's awful, but it works. You never really get mental peace, but the crying stops, so you can be strong for those who need you to be strong for them.
I just needed to vent and let some people understand what military spouses go through, mentally. I can't imagine what the kids go through. I do know several "military brats" that grew up normal though, so I have hope. I also realize that their mothers or fathers probably went through the same stuff and did their best to shelter their kids. However, the thought of reading Princess' thoughts when Military Dad gets ready for deployments would probably undo me completely. Ignorance, truly is bliss sometimes.
Any military spouses out there reading this, I salute you with a glass of wine, "Let our trip down the rabbit hole be short, and let all our spouses come home early and safe!
Yep, shore duty is coming to an end. For those non-military spouses, that means every once in awhile the military rewards us with 2-3 years where our spouses get to stay home and work somewhat normal hours. In other words no week to month underways or 6-9 month deployments. Our spouses actually get to have that "normal" workweek, where they go to work....and then they come home the same exact evening...at a decent time!!!
Cynicism aside, I have truly enjoyed the last four years. Yep, four years. We milked this thing for all it was worth! My husband was extremely lucky in this, normal shore tours are 2-3 years long. Now as I start my lists and checklists to make sure he has everything he needs, it gets hard not to stop and think about what I am actually doing.
I am gathering my husband's stuff and getting ready to send him packing for almost 8 months without a second thought. Denial is a wonderful tool to get you through some things. The problem is when denial lets you down for that split second, your mind takes off and sends you spiraling down this rabbit hole. This rabbit hole comes complete with two completely different sides, depending on where you bounce. You either land on the "feel sorry for me" side or the "I have no reason to complain" side. There is no falling straight down, like Alice does in "Alice in Wonderland."
What normally happens when you are packing away his uniforms or artwork from the kids, you stop and think, "Why the hell am I packing his stuff up so he can leave easier?" It isn't that you are resenting doing the work, it's asking yourself, "why do I have to send my husband away? and more importantly, why do I have to act like it doesn't bother me?!"
The making lists and checklists, the actual sorting and packing his things; this busy work helps keep me occupied and out of the rabbit hole. I find myself cleaning for no apparent reason, organizing random things that have already been organized (twice), almost to the point of exhaustion, in order to not think about what happens next week.
Then that one moment sneaks in and you stop the mindless work and you get to take that trip down the rabbit hole. You start looking around at your kids and their pictures, your husband's things, and wondering why you have to be the one that gives this up. Why do you and your kids have to deal with this when 95% of the population doesn't have to?
Then the tears come, which of course, you need to hide from your kids so you don't upset them. You need to be strong for everyone in this family. A lot rests on your shoulders, and even more will be placed on them as you become a single parent for several months. It's a huge load, it really is. You are now firmly on the pity-me side of the rabbit hole.
This side only lasts long enough for you to stop crying and think one thought, "Thankfully he isn't going into combat." With that single thought you are now firmly entrenched on the "I don't deserve to feel bad" side.
Now you are no longer worthy of feeling sorry for yourself, because your spouse is only going to school on the other coast for 7 months. You will be able to call him, email him and Skype him daily, if possible. Then you start thinking that even if he was being deployed he still wouldn't be in AS much danger as the soldiers or infantrymen going into combat. What the hell would you say to those spouses as you cry your tears of pity?!
The tears are gone and anger gets you through the rest of packing, cleaning, detailing your car, gardening, etc. It's awful, but it works. You never really get mental peace, but the crying stops, so you can be strong for those who need you to be strong for them.
I just needed to vent and let some people understand what military spouses go through, mentally. I can't imagine what the kids go through. I do know several "military brats" that grew up normal though, so I have hope. I also realize that their mothers or fathers probably went through the same stuff and did their best to shelter their kids. However, the thought of reading Princess' thoughts when Military Dad gets ready for deployments would probably undo me completely. Ignorance, truly is bliss sometimes.
Any military spouses out there reading this, I salute you with a glass of wine, "Let our trip down the rabbit hole be short, and let all our spouses come home early and safe!
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Things that are Important in Life
Being a military wife teaches you to value certain things above all others. Family, friends and wine are definitely at the top of the list. Throughout the years, your definition of family changes to include some really close friends. Many times during a military career your family is uprooted and moved. Even if you aren't required to move, your friends will be at some point.
At some point you would think you could get used to the constant changes, but I think it is what makes you grab onto something tighter. In each move, we have been fortunate to find that one set of friends that makes a military career seem worth the constant upheaval. Those friends are now threaded into the cloth of your definition of family.
These "sisters" of mine understand the joys and sorrows of military wifedom. We can sit down and have a glass (or three) of wine and laugh, cry or scream at something without fear of judgement. They will be brutally honest and tell you when you have snot running down your face, but it's that honesty you respect and love. We are our own therapists, sisters, mothers and often times a reality check.
We can "complain" about our husbands and/or their jobs, knowing that the person listening knows we are just venting, because we wouldn't change our husband for anything. (We'd change the job in a heart beat, but only because we worry for their safety.) We can "complain" that we have put on hold or thrown away careers to support our family and husbands, when in reality we know we've traded an easier "job" for a much more difficult career as a military wife and mother.
It's a very hard job being involved in any way with the military, be it enlisted or officer, spouse or family. Once you have found that special bond or connection with someone who understands what you are going through, don't let them go! Stay in touch, you are each other's support system, no matter the distance. For any new recruits into this strange world of military spouse: if you haven't made that connection, keep looking, we are out there! There is someone out there who will help you get through that awful first deployment or your seventh. It's a strange, often screwed-up club, but we are always open for new members!
Here is a toast to my girls that have moved or are moving away soon: Text, Skype or Call, we can have a cyber glass of wine (or three) together!
Saturday, April 28, 2012
I am NOT a Navy Wife...okay, yes I am.
Before I had children, I was uncomfortable being labeled a "Navy Wife." I'm not sure why it bothered me so much. Maybe it was because I'm introverted, I don't like groups or because I didn't like being instantly labeled before people met me.
During my husband's ROTC years, I was that career driven person who was independent, blah, blah. After he graduated, we move from the college ROTC Navy atmosphere to the "real" Navy in Norfolk, VA. He was previously enlisted before he picked up a Navy scholarship, so he knew what to expect. I had no idea what I was in for, so I went along in my own lovely reality for awhile.
The first time I set foot in a Military Treatment Facility (MTF), I was unprepared to say the least. Filling out the forms were what shocked me the most. I remember sitting there asking Military Dad what "spouse #" meant. I thought they had found I was born in Utah and they were asking about the whole Mormon polygamy thing. I was about to start yelling about being profiled, when he informed me on how most military marriages don't last and people tend to remarry a few times (3 was a spouse # option). Being told in a document that my new marital bliss was doomed to fail was an awakening.
Weeks went by and I did my best to deal with this situation. Then Military Dad got the news he would be deploying for 6 months with only 3 months notice. During those 3 months he worked 16 hour days (6 or 7 days a week) or was underway (out to sea for a few days) while they got the ship ready. I'm an only child, so I was able to find a daily routine and keep myself sane. This daily routine saved me during the actual deployment. I was also very fortunate to have been working, so I was able to make a few wonderful and very supportive friends before he had to deploy.
I was also pregnant with Princess during this first deployment. His command did their best to get him home for her birth, by sending him to a school in Rhode Island. However, Princess would not be rushed, she came 6 days later, and by that time, he was stateside, but hundreds of miles away.
Deployment #2 came 6 months later. At the end of that deployment, he transferred to a new ship that was just getting ready to leave, so Deployment #3 followed shortly afterwards. All in all, he made 3 deployments in less than 2 years.
The supportive friends I made, were also military families, and they all moved during Deployment #2 to their new duty stations. That was the toughest one. I was all alone in a strange state with no support system and a 6 month old little girl. So deployment #3 resulted in me quitting my job and moving back home with my parents to get help raise Princess.
Seven months later, Princess and I moved back to Virginia when his ship returned. Shortly afterwards, we found out that Deployment #4 was looming. Fortunately shore duty was close enough that he didn't have to go on that one.
Now, 4 years later, we are nearing the end of our shore duty time and that sea duty experience is always in the back of my mind. However, now I have 2 children who have to experience this. Princess will know what's going on, but I'm not sure how she'll deal with it. She was young enough that she probably doesn't remember the first times he had to leave. Little Dude has had Daddy home his entire life, so I'm honestly scared to think about how he'll react. Just for a second, a split second, I start to think how I'd react and the tears well up. Then that feeling of having to take care of someone other than myself automatically kicks in and both that split second and the tears are gloriously gone.
This is when I realize with pride, that yes, I'm a Navy Wife. We do what we have to, in order to keep the family functioning and healthy, including the deployed spouse and their extended family. This job requires you to become a "single" parent: paying the bills, buying groceries, fixing the water heater, etc. The job also requires you to maintain a certain decorum and not slap/yell at someone who cannot comprehend what you're going through when they say "Wow, I'd love it if my husband/wife left for a few months!" (I beg everyone, please don't say this EVER to a military spouse, it is truly a thin thread we hang on to that holds us together.)
Now, I'm very happy to be labeled and put in the Navy Wife category. It's definitely one of the craziest group of people I'd belong to! (No seriously, it's a group of crazy people-who else would repeatedly do this crap with a smile?) It takes a group of special people to become and stay military spouses. A military spouse has to put their careers and other things on hold because the military job comes first. They have a job with very large risks and very little reward, other than what we can create for ourselves. It also takes a very special service member to appreciate what their spouse is doing for them while they are thousands of miles away doing their job.
So when you thank that service member, please take the time to also thank their spouses for their hard jobs too!
During my husband's ROTC years, I was that career driven person who was independent, blah, blah. After he graduated, we move from the college ROTC Navy atmosphere to the "real" Navy in Norfolk, VA. He was previously enlisted before he picked up a Navy scholarship, so he knew what to expect. I had no idea what I was in for, so I went along in my own lovely reality for awhile.
The first time I set foot in a Military Treatment Facility (MTF), I was unprepared to say the least. Filling out the forms were what shocked me the most. I remember sitting there asking Military Dad what "spouse #" meant. I thought they had found I was born in Utah and they were asking about the whole Mormon polygamy thing. I was about to start yelling about being profiled, when he informed me on how most military marriages don't last and people tend to remarry a few times (3 was a spouse # option). Being told in a document that my new marital bliss was doomed to fail was an awakening.
Weeks went by and I did my best to deal with this situation. Then Military Dad got the news he would be deploying for 6 months with only 3 months notice. During those 3 months he worked 16 hour days (6 or 7 days a week) or was underway (out to sea for a few days) while they got the ship ready. I'm an only child, so I was able to find a daily routine and keep myself sane. This daily routine saved me during the actual deployment. I was also very fortunate to have been working, so I was able to make a few wonderful and very supportive friends before he had to deploy.
I was also pregnant with Princess during this first deployment. His command did their best to get him home for her birth, by sending him to a school in Rhode Island. However, Princess would not be rushed, she came 6 days later, and by that time, he was stateside, but hundreds of miles away.
Deployment #2 came 6 months later. At the end of that deployment, he transferred to a new ship that was just getting ready to leave, so Deployment #3 followed shortly afterwards. All in all, he made 3 deployments in less than 2 years.
The supportive friends I made, were also military families, and they all moved during Deployment #2 to their new duty stations. That was the toughest one. I was all alone in a strange state with no support system and a 6 month old little girl. So deployment #3 resulted in me quitting my job and moving back home with my parents to get help raise Princess.
Seven months later, Princess and I moved back to Virginia when his ship returned. Shortly afterwards, we found out that Deployment #4 was looming. Fortunately shore duty was close enough that he didn't have to go on that one.
Now, 4 years later, we are nearing the end of our shore duty time and that sea duty experience is always in the back of my mind. However, now I have 2 children who have to experience this. Princess will know what's going on, but I'm not sure how she'll deal with it. She was young enough that she probably doesn't remember the first times he had to leave. Little Dude has had Daddy home his entire life, so I'm honestly scared to think about how he'll react. Just for a second, a split second, I start to think how I'd react and the tears well up. Then that feeling of having to take care of someone other than myself automatically kicks in and both that split second and the tears are gloriously gone.
This is when I realize with pride, that yes, I'm a Navy Wife. We do what we have to, in order to keep the family functioning and healthy, including the deployed spouse and their extended family. This job requires you to become a "single" parent: paying the bills, buying groceries, fixing the water heater, etc. The job also requires you to maintain a certain decorum and not slap/yell at someone who cannot comprehend what you're going through when they say "Wow, I'd love it if my husband/wife left for a few months!" (I beg everyone, please don't say this EVER to a military spouse, it is truly a thin thread we hang on to that holds us together.)
Now, I'm very happy to be labeled and put in the Navy Wife category. It's definitely one of the craziest group of people I'd belong to! (No seriously, it's a group of crazy people-who else would repeatedly do this crap with a smile?) It takes a group of special people to become and stay military spouses. A military spouse has to put their careers and other things on hold because the military job comes first. They have a job with very large risks and very little reward, other than what we can create for ourselves. It also takes a very special service member to appreciate what their spouse is doing for them while they are thousands of miles away doing their job.
So when you thank that service member, please take the time to also thank their spouses for their hard jobs too!
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