My war with birds...continues

So in my struggles with the winged species, I have somehow moved from small and pretty birds (mainly doves, for some reason), to larger, almost terrifying birds.

I really thought I was doing so well. At our new house we have a canyon with trees behind our backyard. We get all sorts of wildlife traveling through: birds (even owls and hawks), possums, raccoons, rabbits and coyotes. We even get teens that like to play tag with BB guns. I enjoy seeing the wildlife, (not including the teens) it makes me feel closer to nature, even though we are smack dab in the middle of suburbia.

In the spring I thought my peaceful period with doves had reached its end. A pair built their nest in one of the trees directly behind our house. However, the cease fire seems to be holding steady. They visit my yard occasionally to use the bird bath, otherwise they leave me alone. It's actually kind if nice having a few doves enjoy me in some capacity.

Now summer is approaching, which means days are getting longer. What this means to people with kids, is that morning starts earlier and bedtime is so far away. On those wonderful days when you realize that it's 6:30 AM and the kids are still asleep, YOU GET MORE SLEEP!!!

I am very much a person who enjoys sleeping in AND taking naps. I have even taken measures to ensure the cat won't wake me up early.

For about three weeks now I have been harassed in various ways by a few birds (or possibly a flock). Since these birds have a reputation, I have tried very hard to either ignore the issue or passively deal with them.

Every other morning one of them will fly to the roof and peck at the metal cover over our chimney. When you're outside, it's annoying and you start thinking about whether they're causing damage. However my kids on the inside of the house seem to think there is now a monster, either in the wall (if they're upstairs) or in the fireplace. They will come running outside, either screaming or crying depending on the child, about how there is someone in the house. Of course these are the moments when you forget about the damn bird and go off to find the bat...or laugh at with your kids.

Those are the times when everyone is awake so it isn't too bad. However, between 4:30 and 5:30 in the morning is very, very different. I'm not sure why this time seems important to these specific birds, but it is. These birds act like your worst stereotypical neighbors, you know, the ones that fight and scream all the time at each other. 

On the weekdays, these birds will sit outside the tree directly behind our house, or my neighbor's, and squawk at each other for about twenty minutes. Then they either figure out who won the argument and fly off, or fly off to continue it anywhere else. If they're married birds, then they flew off to have it elsewhere.

On the weekends, they do start the argument a little later in the morning, however now they are messing with precious sleep-in time. I will get out of bed and shut the balcony doors and put a pillow over my head. This is the passive method and it works for now. When it starts getting warmer, I may take my neighbor's stance and go more aggressive. She has an air rifle. She also doesn't take kindly to the squawking. She doesn't hit the birds directly, just aims in the their general direction, but lower. It works very well...but some mornings she's either already up or she's waiting for me to take a more helpful position in this battle.

I mentioned earlier that these birds were larger and had a reputation. They are crows, of the huge variety. One of these birds is about the size of my rat terrier, but a hell of a lot smarter. Unlike doves which are the symbol for peace, crows are associated with things like harbingers of death, soul carriers, tricky gods and what not. I've seen movies and read books, I know.

I also realize that even if they don't deal with death, mortality and souls, these are amazingly smart creatures. I can't remember where I read or heard these things, but I bet Google would help with those interested. Either way, crows are extremely smart, they have great memory, they adapt very well, they use tools and they seem to communicate on a higher level than other birds.

Crows are thought to recognize people's faces and remember their actions. So if one person gives them food versus another person going out with say, an air rifle, they can remember your face and action, even if you aren't where they met you. In other words, if I was nice to them in my backyard and then went to a park where they happened to be, they would remember me. Creepy huh?! So I don't think getting an air rifle would be a good thing...I've seen the movie "Birds."

I've read about several experiments involving crows and the use of tools. I know they can figure out which sticks to use to reach the food; they've even used sticks to reach longer sticks to get to the food, or bend wires if it's needed. There was also the fable or story about a crow wanting water from a pitcher. The water was too low, so the crow used rocks to displace the water until he could drink it. (They did that experiment somewhere and the crows sailed through without any guidance.) Read: if these same experiments were conducted on people, some would either fail and/or get beaten by the crow in a timed situation. 

I'm thinking in the case of the crows, the white flag of surrender is appropriate here. If these crows can remember my face and any action I took against them, I don't need anymore trouble with birds. Especially since they are known to talk to other crows and let them know that they need to hate me too. Not to mention, the crow pecking at my chimney cover, is probably eating termites or ants. It probably thinks it is doing me a favor since I don't shoot at it early in the morning. 

Bird Wars Pt 2

So it continues...

What is worse than the fear of a pair of doves beating you to death because you destroyed their nest?

Mockingbirds.  Yes, mockingbirds.

I've gotten used to the pair of doves following me around the house, glaring at me through various windows.  They must not be too concerned with building their new nest, or they have enlisted help.  Either way, I've learned to look forward to my own little bird paranoia everyday.

However, when it comes to nighttime, that is my time to relax and, dare i say it, sleep.  With 2 young kids, sleep is a magical place that recharges me and gets me ready for the next day of school schedules, homework and an episode of Elmo's Hood, formerly called Sesame Street.  When sleep occurs, I'm happy and patient-as-I-can-be mommy.  Without sleep...let's just say, I'm impatient, grumpy mommy with harmful thoughts directed at Elmo.

As I lie here trying to get rid of today's headache, a pair of mockingbirds are "talking" to each other.  If you aren't familiar with mockingbirds, they mimic sounds they hear in a repetitive cycle.  The ones in my backyard seem to cycle through:  "pretty bird," "patty-cake," an alarm clock and a few phone ringers.  Occasionally they even throw an actual bird sound in there.

Throughout the day, they are absolutely quiet.  I guess they are off gathering food or sleeping, because they were up all frigging night.  I'm lying here with Little Dude, who is also having trouble falling to sleep. He actually has his hands covering his ears, so I know I'm not overreacting...much.

Normally they are quiet when we lie down to sleep.  They allow us to fall asleep and slip into REM, then they strike.  About 1:30 in the morning they begin serenading each other.  This continues until about 4:30, which is about an hour before Military Dad has to wake up for work.  Instead of serenading each other, they could be "married" and having the same stupid argument over and over again, because she just won't let it rest.

This new bedtime arguing, may be a direct result of the doves.  I think they've enlisted the mockingbirds in their scheme.  I'm really hoping that when we move into our new house in a few weeks, that they won't follow us.  However, there is a very nice wooded section behind our property, so I'm doubtful.  Plus, I'm pretty sure these doves have connections.

For the next few hours I will be lying here dreaming up ways to make the mockingbirds be quiet.  I've thought about using fireworks similar to the movie "Steel Magnolias."  Tom Skerritt's character was responsible for clearing out birds from the trees before his daughter's wedding.  At one point, he uses fireworks to "scare" the birds.

I'm pretty sure my neighbors wouldn't appreciate fireworks going off at 1:30 in the morning, plus I'm pretty sure they are banned in San Diego County.  Not to mention, it hasn't rained in awhile and I don't want to be responsible for another wildfire here.  Our neighborhood mockingbirds are about to get a dose of jet spray on my 10 foot hose.

Spraying a hose with a limited range, in the dark, in the general direction of a bird that would probably be quiet the instant I step outside, doesn't sound that great either.  What am I to do?  It's just not in me to concede loss in anything.  My husband says I'm a bit too competitive.

I've now come to a point in my life where I feel it necessary to compete with a bird, oh sweet baby Buddha, I'm in trouble.

My war with the birds

I was not aware I was in a battle with birds, but evidently I am.

My parents have always owned birds, mostly parrots.  When I was a child they had Peppi, a sun conure.  Oh, was he a nasty little thing.  My mother loved him, as she does all her "special" pets.  (Not special as in unique, special as in missing some genetic code somewhere). He would scream at me and try to bite me every time I walked by. 

At first, I imagine as a child I found this a part of life.  As I grew older, I tried to have fun with it and tried to teach him to say not so nice things. 

My parents also rescued a dove, we named Glory.  I named him after a My Little Pony that my friend had, in the hopes that one day I would have more than 1 My Little Pony....nope.  Glory is the sweetest bird ever, however he likes to peck me and beat me with his wing.  It's a dove, so it doesn't hurt.  It's the sudden removal of your hand from the cage that hurts, as you scrape it on the door.  I have scars from this so-called bird of peace. 

I've been pooped on by pigeons and beaten by a sexually frustrated rooster.  (In my defense, I thought he was attacking my hen!)

I went along while someone else hunted turkeys.  I thought since I wasn't holding the firearm, I would be safe....nope.  Evidently I picked the only $%*# tree that wasn't a good hiding spot!  My friend made some stupid noises, evidently turkey calls, to bring the bird towards us.  It worked, the turkey walked right towards my tree.  As the turkey strutted towards me doing some stomping thing and spreading his feathers, I silently wished I could climb trees and that I hadn't drank that grande coffee before hand, because I was about to pee myself. 

I'm not one to enjoy hunting and I'm not even sure why I went along.  However when that shotgun, FINALLY went off, I cried with relief...yes I cried.  I will mention at this point that this is when my so-called friend, informed me that he LET it get that close so I could enjoy it.  We are no longer friends.  (Not because of that isolated incident, but it makes for a better story.)

During college, I studied animal science.  After the turkey experience I embraced my hatred of turkeys and studied animal nutrition.  In this case we used different diets to see which ones produced the best growth.  The best part was getting to eat the control group. 

Nowadays my parents still own Glory (or an identical replacement...the bird is 25 years old or so) and 2 beautiful African Greys.  They are smart and hilarious. 

My parents left for a cruise one summer and I was left to bird sit.  I taught Cheeks how to say "Heidi, heidi-ho."  (Think South Park, Christmas poo).  I try my best to get along with Cheeks, however his beak and intelligence scare the bejeesus out of me.  I have a very healthy respect fear of my dad's birds and they KNOW it. 

"Hey Pearl here comes that lady that's scared of us!"
Pearl will move to the front of the cage to entice me into petting her head, as I begin to scratch, she attempts to "taste" my finger...not cool.
I move on to Cheeks, who says "hello" and is very polite.  Then he does that focus thing with his eye, that reminds me of the velociraptor in Jurassic Park...I'm done, moving on. 
Then Cheeks laughs, yes the bird laughs.

So today, I noticed that a dove kept flying back and forth from our back door.  Curious, I peeked out and noticed he was building a nest.  His girlfriend was sitting on top of the porch light meticulously arranging the twigs. 

My heart sang and broke at the same time.  Doves are beautiful and I'd be happy for them to nest near my house.  However we will be moving out shortly of our rental.  The new tenants may not appreciate the beauty of this.

Out of compassion, I gently removed their nest from the porch light.  For their safety, I took down their *&#$ nest.  Now they are outside glaring at me through the screen door.  Have you ever been glared at by a dove?  It's like they are glaring at your soul.  "Birds of peace" my butt.  As soon as I step outside, I will get pooped on, pecked at or beaten down with their heavenly wings.

In the far distant future when a rogue hummingbird nicks my jugular, hopefully then this silly bird war will end.  Out of respect for me, please do not release birds at my funeral or memorial.  They will only sh%$ on my casket or urn!