I assumed teaching Little Dude how to pee standing up would be relatively easy; I was wrong.
On the rare occasion he asks to pee outside, it's much easier to let him use the backyard than cleaning up the walls, toilet and floor each time he pees. (Yeah, yeah, I know, mother of the year and all that.)
One afternoon in the backyard, I notice he is doing his normal potty dance. After he declares, "I don't need to go potty" several times, Little Dude asks if he can pee on the grass. Having one of my less-than-motivated days, I say, "Sure, knock yourself out."
Little Dude manages to pee on everything but the grass, including the stepping stone pathway (3 feet away). Princess observes all of this, looks right at me and says, "Oh! So that's why you make us wear our shoes outside!"
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Motherly Wisdom
Since Mother's Day is near, I thought I would share a few words of wisdom my mother shared with me as I grew up. Every mother has her own advice, I would be very interested in hearing the various types of advice we've listened to over the years.
"You are the marrying kind"
When boys started mattering to me, I would come home upset because all of a sudden the boys that used to be my friends wouldn't give me the time of day. She would tell me, "Don't worry about it, you're the marrying kind." I remember asking her what that meant, several times. My mom had various answers but they all hinged on not allowing my self worth to lower in order to date whomever I thought was cute that week.
"If you want it, get it. It probably won't be there when you come back."
I save my money, so this advice never seemed like a good idea. However, there were those few times when I weighed the pros and cons of a purchase, only later to return, money in hand, to find the object gone. This is also the one piece of advice that after the object is gone, I can actually hear my mother's voice in my head on a repeat cycle. My husband has even recognized the voice on repeat cycle and usually just chuckles quietly as he asks, "you hear your mom right now, don't you?"
"Always wear clean underwear."
This one always seemed like a weird piece of advice to me. I mean duh and Eww on several levels. I always heard the "if you get in a car accident" piece with it too, which made me think, if they're more worried about the condition of my knickers, instead of my health, then I'm probably OK. Plus, if the accident is bad enough, I may have soiled my knickers anyway, so it won't much matter.
As I grow older I now have a different appreciation for this piece of advice and would like to change it up a bit. "Always wear underwear you won't be embarrassed showing." Trust me, the day you wear those ratty, holey underwear that you only wear on laundry day...that's the day that you'll rip your pants, or something even more heinous. He he.
----------------------------
So as you show homage to your mothers this weekend, remember those silly pieces of advice they gave you along the way. This might be one of those occasions when you tell her how much you appreciated those pieces of advice. She won't care that the thanks is several years behind, she'll just be thrilled that you listened, maybe even more than once!
You could even work your children into the mix:
"Hey Princess, did you know a wise woman once told me to always wear clean underwear?! You should tell Bamma about it, see if she knows this important stuff."
Just imagine...your child proudly walking up to your mom and saying this perfectly like you rehearsed for days. Oh it's going to be perfect.
This is how it would go in my house:
"Hey Bamma! Mommy said some old lady told her to always wear clean underwear! Are you wearing clean underwear? I'm not! So we have to go to the store so you can buy me some Tinker Bell panties, before they are gone. Otherwise mom, says I can't get married."
"You are the marrying kind"
When boys started mattering to me, I would come home upset because all of a sudden the boys that used to be my friends wouldn't give me the time of day. She would tell me, "Don't worry about it, you're the marrying kind." I remember asking her what that meant, several times. My mom had various answers but they all hinged on not allowing my self worth to lower in order to date whomever I thought was cute that week.
"If you want it, get it. It probably won't be there when you come back."
I save my money, so this advice never seemed like a good idea. However, there were those few times when I weighed the pros and cons of a purchase, only later to return, money in hand, to find the object gone. This is also the one piece of advice that after the object is gone, I can actually hear my mother's voice in my head on a repeat cycle. My husband has even recognized the voice on repeat cycle and usually just chuckles quietly as he asks, "you hear your mom right now, don't you?"
"Always wear clean underwear."
This one always seemed like a weird piece of advice to me. I mean duh and Eww on several levels. I always heard the "if you get in a car accident" piece with it too, which made me think, if they're more worried about the condition of my knickers, instead of my health, then I'm probably OK. Plus, if the accident is bad enough, I may have soiled my knickers anyway, so it won't much matter.
As I grow older I now have a different appreciation for this piece of advice and would like to change it up a bit. "Always wear underwear you won't be embarrassed showing." Trust me, the day you wear those ratty, holey underwear that you only wear on laundry day...that's the day that you'll rip your pants, or something even more heinous. He he.
----------------------------
So as you show homage to your mothers this weekend, remember those silly pieces of advice they gave you along the way. This might be one of those occasions when you tell her how much you appreciated those pieces of advice. She won't care that the thanks is several years behind, she'll just be thrilled that you listened, maybe even more than once!
You could even work your children into the mix:
"Hey Princess, did you know a wise woman once told me to always wear clean underwear?! You should tell Bamma about it, see if she knows this important stuff."
Just imagine...your child proudly walking up to your mom and saying this perfectly like you rehearsed for days. Oh it's going to be perfect.
This is how it would go in my house:
"Hey Bamma! Mommy said some old lady told her to always wear clean underwear! Are you wearing clean underwear? I'm not! So we have to go to the store so you can buy me some Tinker Bell panties, before they are gone. Otherwise mom, says I can't get married."
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
My war with the birds
I was not aware I was in a battle with birds, but evidently I am.
My parents have always owned birds, mostly parrots. When I was a child they had Peppi, a sun conure. Oh, was he a nasty little thing. My mother loved him, as she does all her "special" pets. (Not special as in unique, special as in missing some genetic code somewhere). He would scream at me and try to bite me every time I walked by.
At first, I imagine as a child I found this a part of life. As I grew older, I tried to have fun with it and tried to teach him to say not so nice things.
My parents also rescued a dove, we named Glory. I named him after a My Little Pony that my friend had, in the hopes that one day I would have more than 1 My Little Pony....nope. Glory is the sweetest bird ever, however he likes to peck me and beat me with his wing. It's a dove, so it doesn't hurt. It's the sudden removal of your hand from the cage that hurts, as you scrape it on the door. I have scars from this so-called bird of peace.
I've been pooped on by pigeons and beaten by a sexually frustrated rooster. (In my defense, I thought he was attacking my hen!)
I went along while someone else hunted turkeys. I thought since I wasn't holding the firearm, I would be safe....nope. Evidently I picked the only $%*# tree that wasn't a good hiding spot! My friend made some stupid noises, evidently turkey calls, to bring the bird towards us. It worked, the turkey walked right towards my tree. As the turkey strutted towards me doing some stomping thing and spreading his feathers, I silently wished I could climb trees and that I hadn't drank that grande coffee before hand, because I was about to pee myself.
I'm not one to enjoy hunting and I'm not even sure why I went along. However when that shotgun, FINALLY went off, I cried with relief...yes I cried. I will mention at this point that this is when my so-called friend, informed me that he LET it get that close so I could enjoy it. We are no longer friends. (Not because of that isolated incident, but it makes for a better story.)
During college, I studied animal science. After the turkey experience I embraced my hatred of turkeys and studied animal nutrition. In this case we used different diets to see which ones produced the best growth. The best part was getting to eat the control group.
Nowadays my parents still own Glory (or an identical replacement...the bird is 25 years old or so) and 2 beautiful African Greys. They are smart and hilarious.
My parents left for a cruise one summer and I was left to bird sit. I taught Cheeks how to say "Heidi, heidi-ho." (Think South Park, Christmas poo). I try my best to get along with Cheeks, however his beak and intelligence scare the bejeesus out of me. I have a very healthyrespect fear of my dad's birds and they KNOW it.
"Hey Pearl here comes that lady that's scared of us!"
Pearl will move to the front of the cage to entice me into petting her head, as I begin to scratch, she attempts to "taste" my finger...not cool.
I move on to Cheeks, who says "hello" and is very polite. Then he does that focus thing with his eye, that reminds me of the velociraptor in Jurassic Park...I'm done, moving on.
Then Cheeks laughs, yes the bird laughs.
So today, I noticed that a dove kept flying back and forth from our back door. Curious, I peeked out and noticed he was building a nest. His girlfriend was sitting on top of the porch light meticulously arranging the twigs.
My heart sang and broke at the same time. Doves are beautiful and I'd be happy for them to nest near my house. However we will be moving out shortly of our rental. The new tenants may not appreciate the beauty of this.
Out of compassion, I gently removed their nest from the porch light. For their safety, I took down their *&#$ nest. Now they are outside glaring at me through the screen door. Have you ever been glared at by a dove? It's like they are glaring at your soul. "Birds of peace" my butt. As soon as I step outside, I will get pooped on, pecked at or beaten down with their heavenly wings.
In the far distant future when a rogue hummingbird nicks my jugular, hopefully then this silly bird war will end. Out of respect for me, please do not release birds at my funeral or memorial. They will only sh%$ on my casket or urn!
My parents have always owned birds, mostly parrots. When I was a child they had Peppi, a sun conure. Oh, was he a nasty little thing. My mother loved him, as she does all her "special" pets. (Not special as in unique, special as in missing some genetic code somewhere). He would scream at me and try to bite me every time I walked by.
At first, I imagine as a child I found this a part of life. As I grew older, I tried to have fun with it and tried to teach him to say not so nice things.
My parents also rescued a dove, we named Glory. I named him after a My Little Pony that my friend had, in the hopes that one day I would have more than 1 My Little Pony....nope. Glory is the sweetest bird ever, however he likes to peck me and beat me with his wing. It's a dove, so it doesn't hurt. It's the sudden removal of your hand from the cage that hurts, as you scrape it on the door. I have scars from this so-called bird of peace.
I've been pooped on by pigeons and beaten by a sexually frustrated rooster. (In my defense, I thought he was attacking my hen!)
I went along while someone else hunted turkeys. I thought since I wasn't holding the firearm, I would be safe....nope. Evidently I picked the only $%*# tree that wasn't a good hiding spot! My friend made some stupid noises, evidently turkey calls, to bring the bird towards us. It worked, the turkey walked right towards my tree. As the turkey strutted towards me doing some stomping thing and spreading his feathers, I silently wished I could climb trees and that I hadn't drank that grande coffee before hand, because I was about to pee myself.
I'm not one to enjoy hunting and I'm not even sure why I went along. However when that shotgun, FINALLY went off, I cried with relief...yes I cried. I will mention at this point that this is when my so-called friend, informed me that he LET it get that close so I could enjoy it. We are no longer friends. (Not because of that isolated incident, but it makes for a better story.)
During college, I studied animal science. After the turkey experience I embraced my hatred of turkeys and studied animal nutrition. In this case we used different diets to see which ones produced the best growth. The best part was getting to eat the control group.
Nowadays my parents still own Glory (or an identical replacement...the bird is 25 years old or so) and 2 beautiful African Greys. They are smart and hilarious.
My parents left for a cruise one summer and I was left to bird sit. I taught Cheeks how to say "Heidi, heidi-ho." (Think South Park, Christmas poo). I try my best to get along with Cheeks, however his beak and intelligence scare the bejeesus out of me. I have a very healthy
"Hey Pearl here comes that lady that's scared of us!"
Pearl will move to the front of the cage to entice me into petting her head, as I begin to scratch, she attempts to "taste" my finger...not cool.
I move on to Cheeks, who says "hello" and is very polite. Then he does that focus thing with his eye, that reminds me of the velociraptor in Jurassic Park...I'm done, moving on.
Then Cheeks laughs, yes the bird laughs.
So today, I noticed that a dove kept flying back and forth from our back door. Curious, I peeked out and noticed he was building a nest. His girlfriend was sitting on top of the porch light meticulously arranging the twigs.
My heart sang and broke at the same time. Doves are beautiful and I'd be happy for them to nest near my house. However we will be moving out shortly of our rental. The new tenants may not appreciate the beauty of this.
Out of compassion, I gently removed their nest from the porch light. For their safety, I took down their *&#$ nest. Now they are outside glaring at me through the screen door. Have you ever been glared at by a dove? It's like they are glaring at your soul. "Birds of peace" my butt. As soon as I step outside, I will get pooped on, pecked at or beaten down with their heavenly wings.
In the far distant future when a rogue hummingbird nicks my jugular, hopefully then this silly bird war will end. Out of respect for me, please do not release birds at my funeral or memorial. They will only sh%$ on my casket or urn!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
The Doorbell Monster
I am an animal lover sucker. My family donates to the ASPCA and any pets we adopt come from the local shelter. We have an 8 year old house cat, named Chu. She has a fumanchu mustache thing on her face, since she's a girl we came up with a feminine version of fumanchu. We didn't get too complicated. Maggie, named at the shelter, is a 5 year old pointer-collie mix. She is an absolutely beautiful dog and puts up with the kids nonstop. Gracie, also named at the shelter, is a 3 year old, rat terrier mix, we think. She was supposed to be a chihuahua rat dog, but she kept growing and growing.
Obviously the cat we let do her own thing, because, well...she's a cat. Cat's are not trainable in the same way dogs are. Dogs enjoy doing tricks in order to get attention. Cats, well...they don't. As long as you feed them, clean their cat box and occasionally give them attention (when they ask for it) they are happy and content.
We have tried all sorts of training for our dogs: pet store training, clickers and expensive in-home training. Our dogs are perfectly well-behaved individuals. INDIVIDUALS. When they get together, their minds turn into mush and they just go nuts. The bark and jump on people, it annoys the heck out of us, so I can't imagine guests appreciate it too much.
The in-home training experience was great. The trainer had this infinite amount of patience with us and actually made us include our Princess and Little Dude in the training process. I understand the importance of the dogs recognizing the kids as people they need to listen too, however I do not have this required patience. Dogs and children have a limited attention span, getting them to work together when that attention span is on the same page....impossible.
Since the training worked so little on them together, we have pretty much given up. Most of the time, they spend time in the yard on a time-out when people come over. The only thing we haven't given up on is the barking. Anytime someone gets within 100 yards of our house, or god forbid rings the doorbell, the house turns into this awful mess of noise. Dogs are barking, children are screaming at the dogs, and the adults are yelling at everyone to just shut it off! It's awful. The poor postal woman actually sneaks up to the door, drops the package, rings the doorbell and sprints back to her vehicle.
So now we have gotten into a situation that just got worse. We are buying a house in a new neighborhood many miles away. While this probably makes our current neighbors excited, we are terrified.
During an inspection of the potential new home, we discovered there was no barking. Our first thought was "Oh crap, the HOA doesn't allow pets." But then my kids eagerly pointed out that the next door neighbor had a German Shepard and a Chihuahua. Wait a second, a chihuahua that didn't bark?! We started noticing people throughout the neighborhood actually had pets....and they were quiet! Now our second thought was "oh crap, we are going to be those neighbors!"
One week later, we receive our shipment of no bark collars. These are actually pretty cool, they sense the dog's throat vibration and then a gentle electric shock is delivered. If the dog continues to bark within a 20 second "training period," the gentle shock grows in intensity.
My husband calls it the 110 Wiggle, we laughed about it...then it started working. The dog would bark and you would see them shake their heads. We were amused because it seemed to be working with no amount of pain. Well, our dogs aren't the brightest. I mentioned the "training period" of 20 seconds...the intensity does indeed increase. Gracie was barking and wouldn't stop, so the next shock stopped her, so quickly she whimpered. My heart broke. She's barked a few times since, but now when the doorbell rings she runs and hides.
Maggie, on the other hand, stopped barking the second we put it on. So now the doorbell rings or a person knocks on the door, it is blissfully quiet. Granted our dogs are now hiding at door noise, but it's quiet, right?!
Well, except for my mother-in-law's dog, Charlie. Charlie is an 11 year-old, Sheltie with 3 legs. It seems he enjoys the shock and he may bark even more than previously. He is still a work in progress.
Obviously the cat we let do her own thing, because, well...she's a cat. Cat's are not trainable in the same way dogs are. Dogs enjoy doing tricks in order to get attention. Cats, well...they don't. As long as you feed them, clean their cat box and occasionally give them attention (when they ask for it) they are happy and content.
We have tried all sorts of training for our dogs: pet store training, clickers and expensive in-home training. Our dogs are perfectly well-behaved individuals. INDIVIDUALS. When they get together, their minds turn into mush and they just go nuts. The bark and jump on people, it annoys the heck out of us, so I can't imagine guests appreciate it too much.
The in-home training experience was great. The trainer had this infinite amount of patience with us and actually made us include our Princess and Little Dude in the training process. I understand the importance of the dogs recognizing the kids as people they need to listen too, however I do not have this required patience. Dogs and children have a limited attention span, getting them to work together when that attention span is on the same page....impossible.
Since the training worked so little on them together, we have pretty much given up. Most of the time, they spend time in the yard on a time-out when people come over. The only thing we haven't given up on is the barking. Anytime someone gets within 100 yards of our house, or god forbid rings the doorbell, the house turns into this awful mess of noise. Dogs are barking, children are screaming at the dogs, and the adults are yelling at everyone to just shut it off! It's awful. The poor postal woman actually sneaks up to the door, drops the package, rings the doorbell and sprints back to her vehicle.
So now we have gotten into a situation that just got worse. We are buying a house in a new neighborhood many miles away. While this probably makes our current neighbors excited, we are terrified.
During an inspection of the potential new home, we discovered there was no barking. Our first thought was "Oh crap, the HOA doesn't allow pets." But then my kids eagerly pointed out that the next door neighbor had a German Shepard and a Chihuahua. Wait a second, a chihuahua that didn't bark?! We started noticing people throughout the neighborhood actually had pets....and they were quiet! Now our second thought was "oh crap, we are going to be those neighbors!"
One week later, we receive our shipment of no bark collars. These are actually pretty cool, they sense the dog's throat vibration and then a gentle electric shock is delivered. If the dog continues to bark within a 20 second "training period," the gentle shock grows in intensity.
My husband calls it the 110 Wiggle, we laughed about it...then it started working. The dog would bark and you would see them shake their heads. We were amused because it seemed to be working with no amount of pain. Well, our dogs aren't the brightest. I mentioned the "training period" of 20 seconds...the intensity does indeed increase. Gracie was barking and wouldn't stop, so the next shock stopped her, so quickly she whimpered. My heart broke. She's barked a few times since, but now when the doorbell rings she runs and hides.
Maggie, on the other hand, stopped barking the second we put it on. So now the doorbell rings or a person knocks on the door, it is blissfully quiet. Granted our dogs are now hiding at door noise, but it's quiet, right?!
Well, except for my mother-in-law's dog, Charlie. Charlie is an 11 year-old, Sheltie with 3 legs. It seems he enjoys the shock and he may bark even more than previously. He is still a work in progress.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Sick kids
Kids take being sick as a personal injustice against their playtime. Adults on the other hand would relish a day to be sick and lie in bed all day. I'm obviously not talking serious illness, I don't wish that on anyone. If anyone reading this is sick then I wish you a very speedy recovery!
I'm sitting at home with an unhappy 3 year old boy who has a fever. A fever is about the only thing that slows Little Dude down. He has actually come to a complete stop as he is sprawled across me in a rocking chair.
As a parent I am torn in how I should feel. Every parent wishes that their child never gets ill, yes I'm including sniffles! A sick child is just absolutely miserable. They don't understand why they are sick, they just know that all of a sudden there bodies don't feel good and they can't play or get comfortable in any way. Sweet Buddha sometimes they are just crabby too, oy the fits a child can have! As a parent you feel absolutely helpless.
For those of us without medical degrees, we start looking up symptoms on WebMD or Google. Never, ever do this! A simple ingrown hair could be a broken arm to brain cancer, leave the diagnosis up to qualified people!
Your asking, why should I feel torn? Torn about what?
When your child is sick, what do they do? They come to you, on purpose, and want loves and cuddles.
Princess has always been the hugging type, she is very much like her father. When she's sick she just wants to lie beside you and bask in the nearness. She will also want hugs every few minutes to feel better.
Little Dude, on the other hand, is not much for constant hugging or cuddles. He will participate in the good night or good bye hugs and kisses, but otherwise he is his own person. He is a lot like me, unfortunately. Yes, unfortunately.
Fortunately over 10 years with my husband and his constant hugging, I've been worn down, I actually enjoy and look forward to it. Having kids has made the hugs even better. How do you say "no" to unconditional love? You don't!
So as Little Dude has finally made himself comfortable enough to sleep for a little bit, I'm torn between feeling bad because he's sick and enjoying this slice of affection that he doesn't normally dish out.
I think I'm going to soak up the loves for now. When he wakes up feeling better, I'll try to steal a few more hugs before he comes to his senses.
I'm sitting at home with an unhappy 3 year old boy who has a fever. A fever is about the only thing that slows Little Dude down. He has actually come to a complete stop as he is sprawled across me in a rocking chair.
As a parent I am torn in how I should feel. Every parent wishes that their child never gets ill, yes I'm including sniffles! A sick child is just absolutely miserable. They don't understand why they are sick, they just know that all of a sudden there bodies don't feel good and they can't play or get comfortable in any way. Sweet Buddha sometimes they are just crabby too, oy the fits a child can have! As a parent you feel absolutely helpless.
For those of us without medical degrees, we start looking up symptoms on WebMD or Google. Never, ever do this! A simple ingrown hair could be a broken arm to brain cancer, leave the diagnosis up to qualified people!
Your asking, why should I feel torn? Torn about what?
When your child is sick, what do they do? They come to you, on purpose, and want loves and cuddles.
Princess has always been the hugging type, she is very much like her father. When she's sick she just wants to lie beside you and bask in the nearness. She will also want hugs every few minutes to feel better.
Little Dude, on the other hand, is not much for constant hugging or cuddles. He will participate in the good night or good bye hugs and kisses, but otherwise he is his own person. He is a lot like me, unfortunately. Yes, unfortunately.
Fortunately over 10 years with my husband and his constant hugging, I've been worn down, I actually enjoy and look forward to it. Having kids has made the hugs even better. How do you say "no" to unconditional love? You don't!
So as Little Dude has finally made himself comfortable enough to sleep for a little bit, I'm torn between feeling bad because he's sick and enjoying this slice of affection that he doesn't normally dish out.
I think I'm going to soak up the loves for now. When he wakes up feeling better, I'll try to steal a few more hugs before he comes to his senses.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
My Super Power
"If you could pick one super power, what would it be?"
I've noticed over a few years the answer to this question changes for everyone. When you are young, with absolutely no worries, the answer is something fun and almost unreal. Princess would answer, "I'd be a fairy that could paint the world pink, purple, orange and yellow." Little Dude would answer, "I'd have magical swords and swish-swish (that was my best attempt and that noise that all boys can make) against bad guys."
As kids get older and the real world starts seeping into their precious dreams, their answers get a little more serious. Answers such as: invisibility and flying are mixed in with being able to feed the world and peace. Their answers show they are starting to see outside themselves and their innocence makes them want to help people.
When the hormones take over normal thought processes during high school, the answers change inward to more selfish powers, almost the nemesis type of power. Good looking and weight control powers are probably more common, due to peer pressures.
Once reality takes over completely after college and/or during family years, the top answers would be staying awake or quickness in dealing with tasks. Or your super power is more what you can already do well.
Mine for example, would be Stress Girl. I have the ability to take on stress and deal with it. I actually thrive during stressful situations, my brain goes into "go" mode and it does stuff without me knowing it. The problem is, I don't have that alter-ego that shuts off Stress Girl.
Now that I have depressed myself, I have to think, what would my super power be if I had no worries?! My mind went through about 10 different powers dealing with cleaning and saving humanity. This is great thinking, however it's just not that fun, no worries kind of answer.
4 hours later, a trip to the frozen yogurt store and 1/2 bottle of wine, I still don't have an answer. Is this some sort of link or connection to my childhood that I've lost forever?
Nope, I just needed the correct combination of events. My husband just put in Bolt and since I love Pixar movies, my mind raced to the Incredibles. I wouldn't mind being Elastigirl. I'm only 5'3" on a good day, so being able to reach the top shelf would be nice! Plus I could help humanity, look good and be kick butt in yoga class! Oh yeah! I got your weird pretzel plank, downward facing iguana pose right here!
What would your (no worries) super power be, and why?
I've noticed over a few years the answer to this question changes for everyone. When you are young, with absolutely no worries, the answer is something fun and almost unreal. Princess would answer, "I'd be a fairy that could paint the world pink, purple, orange and yellow." Little Dude would answer, "I'd have magical swords and swish-swish (that was my best attempt and that noise that all boys can make) against bad guys."
As kids get older and the real world starts seeping into their precious dreams, their answers get a little more serious. Answers such as: invisibility and flying are mixed in with being able to feed the world and peace. Their answers show they are starting to see outside themselves and their innocence makes them want to help people.
When the hormones take over normal thought processes during high school, the answers change inward to more selfish powers, almost the nemesis type of power. Good looking and weight control powers are probably more common, due to peer pressures.
Once reality takes over completely after college and/or during family years, the top answers would be staying awake or quickness in dealing with tasks. Or your super power is more what you can already do well.
Mine for example, would be Stress Girl. I have the ability to take on stress and deal with it. I actually thrive during stressful situations, my brain goes into "go" mode and it does stuff without me knowing it. The problem is, I don't have that alter-ego that shuts off Stress Girl.
Now that I have depressed myself, I have to think, what would my super power be if I had no worries?! My mind went through about 10 different powers dealing with cleaning and saving humanity. This is great thinking, however it's just not that fun, no worries kind of answer.
4 hours later, a trip to the frozen yogurt store and 1/2 bottle of wine, I still don't have an answer. Is this some sort of link or connection to my childhood that I've lost forever?
Nope, I just needed the correct combination of events. My husband just put in Bolt and since I love Pixar movies, my mind raced to the Incredibles. I wouldn't mind being Elastigirl. I'm only 5'3" on a good day, so being able to reach the top shelf would be nice! Plus I could help humanity, look good and be kick butt in yoga class! Oh yeah! I got your weird pretzel plank, downward facing iguana pose right here!
What would your (no worries) super power be, and why?
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Goat on Fire
Conversation I had with my husband on a REALLY long road trip from Missouri to North Dakota.
Me: Why is there a fire hydrant on the side of the road?
Him: I don't know, maybe in case a goat catches fire.
I tried at this moment, to imitate a goat on fire. My best description of this imitation would be Beavis on sugar, making goat sounds.
Him: (He's driving and he turns and just stares at me. You can do this in NoDak, because the roads are straight...for a long time)
Me: You said goat didn't you?
Him: What?
Me: You said, in case the goat catches on fire?
Him: ROAD, I said ROAD catches on fire!
Me: Oh, that makes more sense.
Maybe I should point out that I have issues with drinking too much caffeine and I'm not really supposed to consume sugar. On one of our fast food stops I ordered a sweet tea, which is like my crack. So for the first time in months, I drank caffeine and consumed sugar, AT THE SAME TIME. My energy level could not be contained in our Toyota Camry.
At one point during the car ride I couldn't think of anything to talk about, and as the navigator it is your sole duty to keep the driver alert. So I decided to start reading billboards OUT LOUD! However something strange happens once you cross the South Dakota and NoDak borders, the billboards go away. It's a big, "please turn around, you've entered the wrong state!" Without billboards I started reading exit signs, even those became scarce so I read off mile markers.
I think if my husband would've been a different individual I'd still be walking back to Missouri from that road trip. He put up with it for quite some time, before he gave me this look and told me in very few words to stop. That look said a lot of things. Since I had never gotten that look before, I wisely stopped narrating the road signs and mile markers and sat quietly. Within minutes I passed out from exhaustion.
Since that day, my husband won't let me near caffeine or sugar without serious discussion.
Me: Why is there a fire hydrant on the side of the road?
Him: I don't know, maybe in case a goat catches fire.
I tried at this moment, to imitate a goat on fire. My best description of this imitation would be Beavis on sugar, making goat sounds.
Him: (He's driving and he turns and just stares at me. You can do this in NoDak, because the roads are straight...for a long time)
Me: You said goat didn't you?
Him: What?
Me: You said, in case the goat catches on fire?
Him: ROAD, I said ROAD catches on fire!
Me: Oh, that makes more sense.
Maybe I should point out that I have issues with drinking too much caffeine and I'm not really supposed to consume sugar. On one of our fast food stops I ordered a sweet tea, which is like my crack. So for the first time in months, I drank caffeine and consumed sugar, AT THE SAME TIME. My energy level could not be contained in our Toyota Camry.
At one point during the car ride I couldn't think of anything to talk about, and as the navigator it is your sole duty to keep the driver alert. So I decided to start reading billboards OUT LOUD! However something strange happens once you cross the South Dakota and NoDak borders, the billboards go away. It's a big, "please turn around, you've entered the wrong state!" Without billboards I started reading exit signs, even those became scarce so I read off mile markers.
I think if my husband would've been a different individual I'd still be walking back to Missouri from that road trip. He put up with it for quite some time, before he gave me this look and told me in very few words to stop. That look said a lot of things. Since I had never gotten that look before, I wisely stopped narrating the road signs and mile markers and sat quietly. Within minutes I passed out from exhaustion.
Since that day, my husband won't let me near caffeine or sugar without serious discussion.
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